H&R Block Settles Express IRA Lawsuit for $19.1 Million, Deny Any Wrongdoing. HA! (Sorry, that was improper. I... I'm sorry.)

Funny story written by anthonyrosania

Monday, 2 August 2010


The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for H&R Block Settles Express IRA Lawsuit for $19.1 Million, Deny Any Wrongdoing. HA! (Sorry, that was improper. I... I'm sorry.)
"...on the other hand I... I feel like my heart's going to explode I feel a little sweaty am I sweating I can't.

The deadline to submit claims against H&R Block regarding the Express IRA product sold for years by tax professionals ended at midnight, July 30, 2010, and new claims are no longer being accepted, this according to expressirasettlement.web

The settlement terms proposed in the class-action suit, entitled The Entire F--king World vs. H&R Block Bank, pertains to Express IRA's promoted and sold by H&R Block, Inc. tax offices.

The lawsuit alleges that H&R Block browbeat tax professionals into selling Express IRAs to its tax preparation customers, stating that they were "a good way to save money and earn interest."

In reality, the low rate of interest paid on Express IRAs and the various fees charged on the accounts meant customers often lost money on their investments. H&R Block is alleged to have misrepresented, omitted or inadequately disclosed these facts.

From Block's website, which as of August 1st still promotes the damned product:

"The Express IRA from H&R Block offer smart, simple ways to prepare for the things you want most in life. You'll earn competitive interest rates while you save through secure plans."

A spokesman for Block explains: "Whoopsie-doodle!!! See, when we said it was a good way to earn interest, we meant it was good for US to earn interest! You tax clients didn't get sh-t."

H&R Block has denied all allegations of wrongdoing. HA! Sorry, sorry.

If approved by the Court, the settlement will pay class members a total of $19.1 million dollars, plus five-percent interest on the fees paid.

"The settlement agreement is actually pretty simple to understand," said Hor Seradish, Esq. of law firm Dewey, Cheatem and Howe. "For purposes of this settlement, 'Program Fees' are defined as account opening fees, recontribution fees, annual maintenance or custodial fees, account transfer fees, and account termination fees. See? Simple!!"

Requests from H&R Block's CEO for comment on this article were laughed at.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more