If You Don't Break it The First Time... Alan Bennett Back As H&R Block CEO.

Funny story written by anthonyrosania

Friday, 9 July 2010


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The color green sued H&R Block to get out of its contract. "Green is the color of money, not of abject failure."

Proving that it is always a good idea to remarry your ex-wife, Alan Bennett, who served as Interim CEO of buggy whip manufacturer-slash-tax-preparation company H&R Block for ten minutes in 2008, is back at the helm.


"Good thing I didn't throw away my old CEO business cards," Bennett laughed while Googling 'how to fake death.' "I can't wait for a second swing at the piñata!"

Bennett, 59, served as interim CEO for nine months in 2007 and 2008 and remained on the board.

Bennett's second stint as Captain of the Titantic comes in the wake of the resignation of former CEO Russ Smyth, once the head Big Mac peddler at Euro-McDonalds.

Those who take great pleasure in mocking H&R Block find it hilarious that Block stock has dropped 77 percent in value since Smyth's hiring, through July 7, 2010. Block stock dropped 37 percent just this year, including 8.2 percent yesterday, to $14.22.

Fascinatingly, Bennett vows to continue Smyth's winning ways:

"When you go to McDonald's, the experience is the same, there is a good consistency across the board," Bennett said. "Smyth has brought a lot of that discipline to Block. The business plan he developed and the strategies we have discussed with the board, we have pretty much all embraced."

(This statement above is actually what Bennett said. I didn't change a word of it. He's that clueless. Mazel-tov, a-hole.)

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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