The new firm, SEXMasters, LLC with Senator John Edwards leading the way, will specialize in providing familial shuck and jive lines, stealth travel and communication technologies as well as DNA Denial Defenses to married men, committed sports figures, wannabe two timers and Politician/Pedophile types.
Glitter & Woods will act as "cutting edge" consultants for men who "eyeball young tarts" and need to determine whether they fit into the "Life -n- Jail", "Jail Bait" or "Shankster Girl" categories. Glitter, with both jail and jail bait experience will provide "extra sensitivity" training programs in "luring the teenage tart", "spanking the nubile monkey", Daddy's got a red lollipop" and "Inspect the Biscuit" child sex play techniques.
Woods claims the firm has executed contracts with many of his former shankster girls, bringing a flood of inquiries from men all over the world; with most interested in DP, Spinner and 'Round the World training with Holly Sampson, Jamie Jungers and Victoria Daniels. All three Doughnut Holers have contract terms providing a ton 'o money for services provisioning where all they got from the Tiger was his cell number and a well leveraged futures contract.
The principals, all with extraordinary resumes complete with tons of sexual baggage are looking forward to capitalizing off their failed personal exploits. The firm's mission of destroying as many families as possible and the careers of their clients simultaneously looks like nothing but smooth sailing and big banking opportunities.
Woods, speaking from his temporary sex cavern at the Kink-O-Rama No-Tell Motel somewhere around a "Fake 'em Out" sexual rehabilitation clinic, spoke to reporters and said "There is just something about that magical combination of a super successful career, the thrill of risk taking and the sight and smell of a great looking young beaver that men just can't resist, and we are going to take that Golden Glitter to the bank and have a whole lot of fun doing it!
Author's Note:
There is strong rumor going around that PGA Golfer Scott McCarron has notified the PGA Commissioner of the firm's operations and is maintaining that the "pay 4 sex play" arrangement being offered constitutes "cheating" and PGA players who choose this route over the traditional method of hitting on cute underage groupie members for free is a violation of the spirit of the rules established by John Daly in 1997.
Reporting from SexMaster's Headquarters,
DagNabbit Rabitt
