Eldrick Tont Woods Signs with China Golf Association

Funny story written by P.M. Wortham

Monday, 14 December 2009

image for Eldrick Tont Woods Signs with China Golf Association
Eldrick Tont Woods New Home.

Newcomer Eldrick Tont has signed a lucrative 5 year contract with the burgeoning China Golf Association, also becoming its spokesman for strengthening golf programs and the CGA brand across China and the Asia Pacific region.

Far removed from PGA events in America and Western Europe, the Asian Professional Golfers Association in partnership with the state-funded CGA, had been looking for a stand out personality to help grow both Asian programs. Spokesman for the CGA, Hung Wei Lo, tells western reporters, "We are happy to welcome a player of this caliber and stamina to our tour. He will be seminal driver, if you pardon the pun, of future CGA greatness".

Telly Slyon , newly hired agent for the golfer formerly known as "Tiger" tells reporters, "Eldrick Tont simply needs a fresh start, away from the madness of the U.S. press, and in an environment where sponsors are still willing to partner with us."

Insiders from the PGA and the sports press think the move was well executed. "Pick a new home where few speak English, where sexual promiscuity is tolerated, and where you can out drive your closest competitor by 150 yards? Freaking brilliant."

Slyon says, "He will be treated like royalty in China. Though he will need special permission and accompanying armed personnel to leave the country, those same travel restrictions will keep those pesky Western reporters at bay."

Mr. Tont, as he prefers to be called, was not available for comment.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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