The great stock climb controversy

Funny story written by Frank Cotolo

Saturday, 12 June 2004

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Will stocks surge and why worry if they do or don't?

NEW YORK CITY -- It's an old Wall Street saying: "Stocks must climb a wall of worry in order to peak at the high point of investor concern. And then, when it is the best time to buy, everybody's nervous and things look the bleakest.

"But what goes up must come down," the saying goes on, "and the climb could be worth the worry if the concern is worth a buck.

"So rising and lifting," the saying continues, "is part of the ever-changing process of the money market and those who play must be bold when it is time to flex their muscles and relaxed when it is time to wait out the waves of uncertainty that accompany the world of finance."

Those words have been applied to the market much of this year, and some analysts say it looks like the climb has begun.

Others, though, don't think the climb has begun and are not ready to worry yet.

"Stocks have climbed since mid-May, and they may level or drop, who knows," said a man whose name actually is Dow Jones.

What will the war have to say about the possible climb?

"Wars don't talk," said financial expert Louis Rumheiser. "But if they could, they would say 'boom.'"

Could the Presidential election have a major role in a climb or stagnation?

"This is a great nation," said E. Haston Gulp, a former investor now living in Guam. "But it is not a stag nation. Women play a mighty important role in America."

This coming week, or another one in the future, could tell the tale about the stocks climbing or not.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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