New York - (Perjury Mess): A New York judge hearing evidence about Harry Potter copyright claims said today he upholds testimony showing remorseless children's story thief JK Rowling "is an Opus Dei whore with a dark and fetid past."
"It is my professional opinion you are also a worse perjurer than that tacky bum bandit butler Paul Burrell," Judge Robert Patterson added as he threw out the simpering former smack mule's authorship claims to the seven book series.
"All your testimony has been a pile of gibberish," Patterson continued, "and your entire deceit strategy an extremely complex, hard to swallow New Labour Opus Dei whopper."
The court heard evidence that all seven children's books had been written before 1990 by an extremely reclusive British writer who had registered the pen name JK Rowling as a pseudonym.
Subsequent UK police evidence showed how a lowlife opportunist Scottish-based criminal called Joanne Rowling suddenly added a 'K' to her name in the early 1990s and claimed to be the original creator (sic) of the Harry Potter stories.
"Her erstwhile ex-lover and accomplice, a London-based KGB agent and secure mental hospital escapee, then kidnapped the reclusive author's youngest children and ransomed them for five million pounds as well as all seven original Harry Potter manuscripts," an anonymous Interpol source testified today.
The court then heard that Rowling and the Soviet spook had had a child 'some twenty five years ago' whose ID is now protected by government control orders.
"Anybody else wonder why she's so thick with that gormless Scottish Prime Monster git Gorgon Brown?" were the judge's final words on the matter.
