Kyle Rittenhouse has now bottled his fake tears and will soon be selling them on his website, which is linked to Donald Trump’s website.
Did you kill people and think you were going to jail for a long time? Need to show human compassion in court to sway a judge and jury?
How about if your boyfriend broke up with you but you were already fooling around on him, and he still grows the best weed so you don’t want him to go away.
Maybe your kids are bugging you and you need them to think their horseplay needs to stop because it’s KILLING MOMMY!
Maybe a cop pulled you over for speeding and your MAGA hat and well-exposed cleavage isn’t making him stop writing that ticket?
There are tons of reasons people need to cry. Authentic sorrow, or joy, is often the real cause. But what if you just can’t cry on command?
Try the all new Rittenhouse tears. Just pour them into your eyes and feel the burn, baby!
Get them in all your favorite colors: Red, White and Blue. And then MORE WHITE!
When you cry like Kyle, the tears won’t ever have to stop!
PS: Make sure you keep yelling “Anybody need a medic?” as you weep.
