CRICKET BALLS, Mississippi – (Satire News) – The movie and video game rental service giant Blockbuster has just announced that its very last store has closed down.
Manager Mildred Millamick, 47, said that their once humongous movie inventory of 18,000 plus films had been reduced down to just 13 movies, due to sporadic shoplifting and the movies just getting worn out after thousands of viewings.
Millamick also said that they have cases and cases of M&M’s, Act One Popcorn, and Jalpapeno-Flavored Twizzlers that had been sitting on the store counter for up to two years, that she is going to donate the the town's four day cares.
She also pointed out that the fact that a month ago they discovered a bat infestation in the women’s restroom did not help matters any.
When asked what she will do now that her Blockbuster has headed off into the movie rental sunset, Mrs. Millamick said that she recently gave birth to quadruplets, so those four babies plus her other seven kids will certainly keep her ass busy.
SIDENOTE: Millamick said that she donated the inventory of 183 Blockbuster T-Shirts to the town's 17 homeless people.