Berkeley Profs Sell Endorsements, Images and Classroom Naming Rights

Written by Ralph E. Shaffer

Tuesday, 8 October 2019

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Berkeley, CA. Exclusive to The Spoof. After Gov. Gavin Newsom signed a bill allowing California university athletes to take pay for endorsements and images, the faculty senate here at Berkeley decided that the university's professors could supplement their income by doing likewise. Virtually every academic department immediately authorized their faculty to make lucrative deals.

Engineers raked in the most money as leading American companies envisioned the benefit from endowing chairs in the various engineering fields. Boeing put up nearly a million dollars to have their name on the Boeing Aeronautics classroom. For two million dollars, Microsoft now owns the Digital Cybernet Laboratory. One engineering faculty member took in half a million to have his office renamed Space X ComSat station.

History profs did not fare as well. Classroom 212, used exclusively by a far left Sanders-type socialist, went for $99 to George Soros. The only Republican in that department sold his name and image to the Walton family for a one-time payment of $50,000. Most history profs are still looking for bargain basement prices.

Left out of the bidding entirely are the school's 30,000 non-athlete undergrads who, except for cheerleaders and the student body president, are prohibited from profiting on the university name. In a separate bill, the governor approved another 5% increase in tuition, while urging students to tighten their belts and study instead of attending movies.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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