Marks & Spencer Store Closure Will Leave Man's Mother 'Nowhere' To Buy Her Knickers

Written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 22 May 2019

image for Marks & Spencer Store Closure Will Leave Man's Mother 'Nowhere' To Buy Her Knickers
M&S: dependable - until now, that is (author's sketch, from memory)

The permanent closure today of one of the most popular clothes shopping stores in one city's history, has presented a local woman with a huge problem in her underwear department.

The store in Hull's Whitefriargate has traded in the city since before 1900, but closes its doors for the final time today - on a Wednesday, for Pete's sake! - and many of its loyal customers are in a shopping limbo as they attempt to come to terms with 'life without Markses'.

Val Kenwood, 82, does all her 'knicker shopping' at Markses, and isn't really sure what her next step will be.

"I've always gone t'Markses f'me knickers," she told me earlier, on the phone, not realizing other shops also sold underwear.

After having had this pointed out to her, she countered with:

"Ah, the' not really the same, though, are they, love?"

Other shops that do sell ladies knickers in the Hull area include Debenhams, Primark, Miss Selfridge, New Look, Evans, Envy, Peacock's, Madhouse, Filthy Gorgeous, Next, and, probably my own choice, House of Fraser, but they're not really the same, are they?

A suggestion that she might go commando met with a long silence.

Police are not investigating.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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