On April 1st 2017, Britain will begin life outside of the European Union.
The first act is for the UK to open a string of Charity Shops across Europe and the United States.
"We will be selling a variety of items," said Foreign Secretary, Boris Johnson. "Power Stations, car plants and small to medium manufacturing units. That sort of thing. What."
It is hoped that the sale of these lower value items could help prop up the failing currency of the UK.
"I'm expecting a roaring rate of business," Johnson added. "Who wouldn't want a mint condition, 1850s Museum choc-full of priceless art and sculpture?"
Also on sale, will be naming rights for the country.
"We're hoping to attract some major sponsors," said Johnson. "The current leader in this endeavour is French Connection UK. Which is handy, as it just means adding FC in front of all the places UK is written. The country will be rebranded and FCUKed right across the board."
Alongside the charity shops will be traditional English market stalls selling the countries finest home produced fruit and vegetables.
"That," said Johnson, "does rely on us being able to find anybody to pick the brocolli, what with all those jolly foreigners not coming in!"
