Another $10-a-barrel crude drop to bankrupt Russian oligarch Roman Abramovich

Funny story written by queen mudder

Sunday, 21 December 2014

image for Another $10-a-barrel crude drop to bankrupt Russian oligarch Roman Abramovich
Likely to go bust

New York - Off-the-Wall Street analysts stand to make a killing betting that oil and gas tycoon Roman Abramovich will go bust as global crude prices continue to flop. Uh, drop.

This morning traders dumped masses of the Russian's stock cutting his reported $30bn fortune to less than half.

The move follows a frenzy of speculative US hedge fund punts that went long on January pork bellies - at the expense of the oligarch's plummeting credit rating - and decimated his personal piggy bank cash stash to less than $20,000.

Later at lynchtime - lunchtime! - Kremlin loss adjustors blamed continuing crazy market farces such as the Russian Rouble's freefall on millions of the country's women ditching cheap, festive supermarket vodka.

And switching en masse to black market weed and other recreational stuff.

President Vladimir Putin's fabled $60bn retirement nest egg has been lost amid a suspcted North Korean banking hack.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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