Written by Felix Minderbinder

Tuesday, 24 October 2006

image for Bush Says US Economy "Doing Great" Until It Collapses After Elections
Bush sees crash just ahead

WASHINGTON (Reuters) -- President George W. Bush said on Monday that the US economy "is really doing great" until it collapses right after the November 7 Congressional elections.

Interviewed on CNBC, Bush admitted in the wide-ranging discussion that Social Security was "totally bankrupt" just like the debt-burdened US government and every US citizen and corporation.

"But living off borrowing and building up debt is a God-given American right, like driving SUVs and living in monster homes and eating crappy Mcdonald's burgers and renting porno movies," he said. "Oink!"

"But that is OK, since I will make sure that wealthier Republican Americans get more and more social security benefits and tax breaks, even as the middle class goes down the tube," he solemnly promised.

"The unfunded liabilities inherent in Social Security and Medicare now total over $50 trillion, and they are climbing," he admitted. "But that is no problem as long as China and other sucker countries continue to buy our worthless treasury bonds...you say they are selling off their vast holdings of US debt at a deep discount? Gee...".

About the growing crash in the US real estate sector, Bush shrugged, saying "Well, what goes up must come down...better start selling pencils or apples or yourselves on street corners and teaching your kids to do the same."

On corporate corruption, Bush stated, "I want to make it clear that my government tolerates any crime by corporate executives like in Enron, since we understand that if you over-regulate, it will drive capital elsewhere."

Bush said he wasn't concerned about the huge U.S. dependence on imported oil and that the run-up in oil prices that pushed them to July peaks above $78 a barrel since the price spike "also helped boost the obscene profits of my buddies in the oil industry...to hell with the American motorist. But we have managed to manipulate the oil price down a bit just before the elections."

Concerning man-made global warming which is expected to end all life on Earth in a few years, Bush said "Well, that's too bad, but I've done all I can to increase US emissions of carbon dioxide from new coal-fired power stations and lousy-mileage cars...besides, all those droughts and water shortages and famines and increased tornadoes and hurricanes and new diseases and crap are happening in Democratic states."

On another topic, he noted that "Even though we are losing the wars I contrived in Iraq and Afghanistan, all those deaths of US soldiers has helped pad the Pentagon budget and the bottom line of our useless armament companies so they can continue to build war machines that don't work and which end up destroying our economy too."

"Phony wars and the fake war on terror has helped keep our economic engine chugging along and teetering on the edge of the abyss until it finally plunges in," he added. "My government is printing more US dollars as fast as we can to prop up the US stock market too and make things seem rosy until you vote."

"You will never see somebody like me investing in peace and political freedom and drugs for the world's poor and green power and energy efficiency to save the world."

In the interview Bush finally realized that his Republican Party would lose control of both houses of Congress after which the creeping recession would hit big-time, so he asked about flights to Paraguay so he and his family could "get the hell out."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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