Written by Douglas Salguod

Friday, 20 October 2006

image for Bush "October Surprise" to be a Real Disaster, Says Secret Report
"Gang of Four" all smiles, Bush's "October Surprise" may change that

HONOLULU, Hawaii -- The Bush administration has planned, as an "October Surprise," instigating a massive natural disaster in California, according to sources who have seen a secret White House report.

Experts say one recent geological event supports this seemingly outrageous claim. The October 15th earthquake reported off the coast of Hawaii was not natural but manmade, being triggered by a sub-Pacific U.S. nuclear test, say experts from the United States Geological Survey Earthquake Hazards Program. Democrat political analysts say the test was not of American nuclear technology, which is already well established, but of the use of a nuclear device to initiate a major "natural" disaster.

The real use of this technology will come within the next week, just before the mid-term elections, say Democrat insiders with White House connections. These well-placed individuals say that they have seen classified documents from within the White House outlining the strategy of using underground nuclear explosions to set off a string of catastrophic California earthquakes along the San Andreas Fault. The planned result of the massive earthquakes is to have most of coastal California from San Francisco to the Mexican border fall into the Pacific Ocean.

Although this planned disaster will result in the loss of millions of lives, the document notes that most of them will be Democrats. The document's authors note that of the 35 congressional districts that will disappear, 25 are currently held by Democrats and 10 by Republicans.

The document also notes that California's so-called "Gang of Four" will all lose their districts as California's coastline moves inland to Republican-leaning eastern California. The "Gang of Four" (Representatives Nancy Pelosi, Tom Lantos, Henry Waxman, and Maxine Waters) have all long been on what had been presumed to be on a figurative Republican hit list, but their "safe seats" in predominately Democrat districts had kept them worry free -- but they won't be anymore, if the recommendations of the report are carried out.

Despite Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger's rising poll numbers, the Bush Administration has decided to sacrifice the fiscally conservative but socially left California Republican, the report says, for the "common good." The report notes, "If Schwarzenegger is in Sacramento rather than Hollywood at the time of the incident, he will get to oversee the relief effort and gain the attendant political benefits -- but that seems unlikely given his regular schedule of social events."

Although sources inside the Bush administration say that the Federal Emergency Management Agency is no more prepared now to deal with a major California earthquake catastrophe than it was to deal with a hurricane hitting New Orleans, the political calculations are that the short-term "rally-'round-the-flag" effect will boost the Republicans' chances of holding on to the House and the Senate considerably.

The document also contends that the loss of these "left-coast districts" will put California back into play in the 2008 presidential contest, giving a Republican nominee a real opportunity to take the Golden State's electoral votes for the first time since 1988, since the 18 districts that will remain above water are currently split evenly between nine Republicans and nine Democrats.

One White House source, speaking off the record, dismissed the document as a "Democrat fantasy concocted in La-La Land." Adding, "This is your typical Democrat paranoid delusion, though perhaps a little more grandiose than usual."

One Democratic operative, who would not allow his name to be printed but claims to have seen the report, said, "There is one problem with paranoia: Sometimes they really are out to get you."

Copyright 2006, Douglas Salguod

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: George W. Bush

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