German Auto Maker Bercedes-Menz Embraces Web Connectivity

Written by Moose

Wednesday, 28 August 2013

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STUTTGART, GERMANY - German luxury car marker Bercedes-Menz is jumping on the internet in a big way.

MB Company spokesman, Peter Schwanz, announced today that Bercedes-Menz's next "C Class" will offer basic internet connectivity, including Pandora Radio and Google Maps. The "E Class" will add email, while the "S Class" will include MB's premium internet application, "Klusterfnugen".

Klusterfnugen enables, web-browsing, YouTube viewing, Netflix, Instant Messaging and web-connected auto pilot.

Bercedes Menz's patented Klusterfnugen system uses dual-function driver controls to operate the internet and operate the vehicle. For example, pressing the radio "on" button once activates FM radio, pressing it twice activates XM, while pressing it a third time activates autopilot, using the map last viewed on Google Maps to get you to your destination.

The 7-speed automatic transmission is operated via a console-mounted selector, but pressing the cruise control button three times will turn the gear selector into a computer mouse, so the operator can browse the internet on the 52" dash-mounted OLED monitor. To cycle through open browser tabs, simply press the volume control once, press the answer phone button twice and then turn the steering wheel to the left. While in browsing mode, tapping the break three times, while stepping on the accelerator will return the controls to their original condition, to enable control of the vehicle.

The Klusterfnugen system is also Bluetooth-enabled, so drivers and passengers can operate all controls from their iPad, iPhone or iWatch.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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