Food Is A Lie

Funny story written by Backandtotheleft

Sunday, 25 March 2012

Multi-million pound companies have been accused of forging 'place of origin' labels to put on their produce to seem more upmarket. It has been discovered they invent whole countries just to avoid putting "made in Slough" on a packet of spam. Back and to the Left contacted our 'super secret source' who works for one of the biggest supermarkets in the world. In a effort to protect his identity we shall only refer to him as "Mr. Grass". He said:

"They've been doing it for years, making up places. Take the biggest one Danish bacon. There's not even a place called Danish! It's a complete myth. All the pigs are reared on a farm just outside of Weston-Super-Mare."

Back and to the Left news decided to do our bit to get to the bottom of this mystery. Therefore we waited in food aisles at our local supermarket and interrogated employees on what they knew about it.

After diving out from behind the semi skimmed milk at several of them, we eventually cornered one scared 16 year old girl. Her startling confession confirmed the extent of the treachery.

"All I know is that we stick new labels over certain foods as they come in...."

Although clearly nervous and sweating profusely, when pressed she revealed more:

"It's mainly products like baby seal meat, hamster burgers and kitten chow. We have to stick other labels over the top."

Her eyes flicked from side to side as if she was half expecting black suited security men to arrest her. Before she scuttled off down the meat aisle she left us with a chilling warning:

"Bread isn't bread."

And with that she vanished. Usually Back and to the Left news will listen to any crackpot story, taking on board "baseless lies" and accepting them as fact. But we just couldn't with this one. I mean, if we believe that we would also believe there isn't a place called Mt Sexual Tornado and this aphrodisiac is lying to us.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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