Empowered Women's Groups Successfully Boycott Canned Meat Producers

Funny story written by P.M. Wortham

Friday, 2 March 2012

image for Empowered Women's Groups Successfully Boycott Canned Meat Producers
Sardine producers advise taking the little beauties out of the can before microwaving.

With corporate quarterly earnings significantly down for multiple manufacturers of canned meat products, some women's groups are declaring a victory after a year of boycott effort.

Targeting some traditional men's favorites like sardines, corned beef hash, Spam, and beef stew, one women's group in particular claims that their grass roots organizational skills were responsible for the sharp decline in sales. "We need these products off the shelves for good", says Internet group leader, Shirley Ann Ughest.

President of the Women Against Stench in the Home, Ughest claims that the smell from these opened or cooked meat products linger for days regardless of the number of candles burned or spray sanitizers deployed. "Fried corn beef hash? Smells like rotting dog food", says Ughest. "The curtains, the carpet, the couches and chairs reek of bad fried meat product for days".

Other women in the group have their own "worst" favorites, including one woman's husband who preferred his sardines warmed up in the microwave. "I had to take a sledgehammer to the damn thing afterwards", says Kerry Grudgerton, the Wisconsin chapter leader for W.A.S.H. "No cleaning product was getting THAT smell out".

With enough internet traffic and e-mail campaigns, the decline in sales for these man favorite gut bombs continues. "That and I keep telling my darling hubby that the store was out of stock whenever he asks", says Ughest. "He just grunts in disappointment and makes himself a PB&J instead".

Meat canners are hoping that a new marketing campaign to men might help stem the tide of recent sales decline, but admit that few of them will make a specialty trip to the market for a can of hash.

In a related story, Hormel, makers of canned hash and canned stew products will be setting up displays in gas stations so men can grab a can or two after pumping gas. "We can't make it any more convenient", says Hormel Marketing Manager Biff Wellington. Upon hearing the marketing campaign news, Ughest's only comment was, "Damnit".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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