Disney Organization to Purchase San Francisco

Funny story written by Philbert of Macadamia

Tuesday, 21 February 2012


The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Disney Organization to Purchase San Francisco
"Welcome to Disneyland North!"

San Francisco CA: The Walt Disney Company announced today that the organization will purchase the City by the Bay from the State of California. A specific cost has not been mentioned, but analysis indicates that an offer of roughly California's current budget deficit or $12 billion has been put on the table.

The original Disneyland Park (Magic Kingdom) located in the city of Anaheim has been making dreams come true for decades. However, the expansion capability of the park in Southern California is limited. Hence, a search was conducted for a new park location, still in California, requiring minimal investment in new attractions. The new site had to provide an existing tourist service infrastructure such as being an international transportation hub, have extensive hotel and resort space, many different restaurants, ample parking garages and make people laugh. The new park is to be designated Disneyland North.

Critics of the sale have pegged the selling price as being too low. However, the Disney organization will have to maintain the city's current infrastructure such as the Golden Gate and Oakland Bay bridges, Bay Area Rapid Transit (BART), cable cars, street repairs, fire and police services, etc. Hotel fees and office building rents will be used to offset these costs and there is a possibly of raising tolls on the bridges.

A Disney spokesperson said "the entire city may be considered as the nine themed lands of: Main Street USA, Fantasyland, Adventureland, Tommorowland, Frontierland, Criter Country, Mickey's Toontown and a new Adultland (no children). New attractions include the Gay/Lesbian Street Parade, Hippie Quest, earthquakes by nature, various protests on the BART, unlimited tall building elevator rides, skydiving off the Transamerica building, the nude district (no children) and the reinstatement of "Happy Meals."

Monorail construction will be unnecessary because of BART and the cable cars, but the new Lombard Street Hill ride requires some infrastructure modification. Existing public parks, amusement parks, Alcatraz Island and Fisherman's Wharf will become part of the fun. Fisherman's Wharf will be under the management of Nemo and the Little Mermaid Ariel.

Snow White and the Seven Vertically Challenged People (Dwarfs) augmented by eight other Disney characters will replace the San Francisco City Council and the Board of Supervisors. Snow white will only be the interim mayor, as Mickey Mouse is being groomed for that office.

A five day High Roller Pass for Las Vegas NV visitors is to be initiated as a cooperative effort between the Disney organization and Las Vegas casino owners. Thus, a single condition has been specified by the Disney organization. The currently unfunded $4 billion California high speed rail service designated DesertXpress be constructed from Las Vegas NV to San Francisco CA, rather than to a California city located in the desert, by January 2013.

The Disney Organization is seeking a press agent for the new park, to be available for its opening in the summer of 2013, who is familiar with San Francisco. A prospective retiring Democratic politician has been identified, but working for a Republican profit making organization may present a problem.

California Governor Jerry Brown is all for the deal, saying in a leaked memo to the legislature "I can finally get rid of that bunch of fruits and nuts!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more