One Man Freak Show At Granite Fairgrounds

Funny story written by boweratbat

Wednesday, 18 January 2012

Granite Co.- Chuck Unger, the typically reserved and grizzled dairy farmer from Tuckersville, Pa., is now officially a freak. Well, at least from August 21-27.

Organizers of the Granite County Fair, an extremely popular annual event, have decided to include a throwback exhibit as a nod to the fairs of yesteryear-a freak show.

"It's one thing to decide to include such an event, but another thing altogether to figure out what will be on display. That's when he learned about Mr. Unger and his crazy hand," said one event planner.

Mr. Unger had been living a relatively quiet existence on his rural farmland when he received the call last week. He says he nearly missed the opportunity, though, as his crippled left hand struggled to grasp the receiver.

"They musta' heard about my f***ed up hand here. Pretty, ain't it?" the visibly proud man said as he displayed his mangled claw-like hand, which he affectionately refers to as Pappy's meat hook. Mr. Unger's hand became mashed in the gears of a tractor years ago, but it hasn't been enough to keep him from his work. "Messed 'er up good. But I still learned to run the farm okay. Milking them cows is a crapshoot sometimes. I drop the chicken feed a lot too."

Although fair organizers would have liked a more varied freak show, no one is complaining that this simple farmer will be the only exhibit.

"We've erected a simple two-person camping tent in which to display Mr. Unger. For only 3 dollars, fairgoers can crawl inside and spend up to 5 minutes alone with the perverse hand."

Mr. Unger is already relishing the attention. "People normally don't pay me no mind. Five minutes with them is a lot of time. I got stories. I was a traveling skeet shooter in my younger days. Ever see a Polaroid of what a bunch of rabid coyotes can do to a pig?"

Fairgoers are excited too. "I'm glad they are doing something new this year. I hope his hand is the grossest thing in the whole world," said one lady who purchased an advanced ticket.

What will Mr. Unger do when his 6 days of fame are up? "Nothing much. Just tend to the livestock and wrestle with my hounds. Despite the attention, it's the still simple things I love."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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