For hundreds of thousands of nearly-destitute Americans who rely on their income tax refund each year to pay March's rent, have the check engine light on their 1996 Nissan Sentra addressed, or just to blow on luxuries like dental care, crack or laundry soap, the time between e-filing their tax return and having that colorful check delivered is stressful enough. This year, however, the IRS created a new and inventive way to keep their assholes puckered via a glitch in their 'Where's My Refund' web tool.
"Ugh, this sh*t again," said an anonymous IRS executive. (Ok, it was former H&R Block CEO Mark Ernst, who certainly knows a thing or two about sh*tty tax-related technology. Shhhh. Don't tell anyone.) "WTMF?!?!"
Not really. Once they got out of the Refund Anticipation Loan business, I was OK with 'em. I actually think that their successful lobbying for IRS licensure of tax preparers actually helped the industry, so I can't really... Wait, "still hatin' on'" ? What the hell is that?
"We are aware that some taxpayers who have filed electronically and received an acknowledgement from the IRS are concerned when they visit 'Where's My Refund' and are told that we have no information regarding their return," Ernst continued. "This is a temporary situation, and we expect to resolve the matter. Ha! Do you see what I did there? I said we were going to fix it. That was believable, right? Anyway... What does that red light on your tape recorder mean?"
For 100 million (mostly brown-skinned) people who are itching to get their fake-leather coat and bed-in-a-bag out of layaway at K-Mart, the glitch is a continuous source of frustration.
"Yo, dis some bullsh*t up in this motherf**ker," commented a racial stereotype. "it's my money, and I need it now!"
"Where's My Refund'" the website teases, "It's Quick, Easy, Secure', and none of your f**king business"