Bryan Air to show free in-flight movies

Funny story written by IainB

Sunday, 27 November 2011

image for Bryan Air to show free in-flight movies
Bryan Air's top of the range aircraft

Bryan Air, the cheapest of the budget airways is to show in flight films free of charge.

This is an unusual move by the low-cost airline renowned for charging for everything else above and beyond the price of the ticket.

"Ordinarily," said OfAir Watchdog co-ordinator, Ryan Heir, "Bryan Air would charge an additional fee for luggage, using the toilet, transport to and from the city they are supposed to be landing in and use of the resuscitation paddles after a heart-attack. This is a bold new move for the Pound Shop equivalent of an airline."

It is not all good news for customers of the no-frills air line.

"What Bryan Air are going to do, is charge people NOT to show the movie," said Heir. "The back of each seat will be showing a variety of movies from the bargain rack at HMV. Films like The Sound of Musak, Schindler's Lift and Meet Joe Black. The actual film selection will be determined by the length of the flight."

For flights of less than two hours there is an information film from CEO of Bryan Air, Dorothy Comm. This information film is five minutes long, and plays on constant repeat. For flights over two hours, films that can be shown four or five times will be selected.

"We are attempting to give a little back to our customers," said Comm. "They deserve the latest in entertainment. If they wish to not watch the movie, a charge of five pounds will be levied to turn it off. This is an administration charge, nothing more."

Travellers subjugated to the pilot trial, a short film about airline pilots in the dock for Drink Flying, compared the new scheme as nothing less than Guantanimo Bay like torture.

"By the end of the three hour flight," said one traveller, Angela Wings, "I felt like killing all the other passengers, the crew, the owner of Bryan Air and then myself. Other than that, it was a good flight. We were going to Brussels and landed in Düsseldorf."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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