Written by Flexicon

Monday, 28 November 2011

Following on from the enormous success of their advertising slogan - 'Because I'm worth it' - Fo'real has announced that from 2012, women will be required to prove they are worthy of buying their products.

While the cosmetics giant is remaining sketchy on the exact selection criteria, it is believed that minimum requirements will include a career in fashion or the entertainment industry, a black credit card, and at least 2000 friends on Facebook. Potential purchasers will also have to submit their last three tax returns as well as a current close-up photograph. Airbrushing will be allowed, and in fact encouraged, as long as the applicant can prove they are naturally beautiful anyway, and did not really need it.

A Fo'real spokesperson has released a statement defending the controversial campaign: 'For decades, Fo'real has been instrumental in boosting women's self-esteem and pandering to their sense of entitlement. As a result, we have unworthy slappers everywhere dyeing their hair unflattering shades of blond and plastering themselves in our anti-ageing creams. And for what? Let's face it, if you're an ugly old slag with two cats and a boring job, our products are completely wasted on you. You're NOT worth it and, frankly, you're making us look bad.'

Not to be outdone, rival cosmetics companies have been quick to announce a few campaign tweaks of their own. First off the rank is Perhapsline. Keen to capitalize on an anticipated boom of displaced Fo'real customers, they have revealed an upcoming revamp of their entire make-up range, along with a brand new slogan: 'Perhapsline: maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's all she's worth.'

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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