Cosmetics Manufacturer Admits 'We Don't Even Know Who's In Our Advert'

Written by Nick Hobbs

Monday, 11 July 2011

image for Cosmetics Manufacturer Admits 'We Don't Even Know Who's In Our Advert'
Vanessa who? No, Hudgens!

In an official statement that is set to shock the advertising world to it's core, Italian cosmetics giants Newtro-Gina have at last admitted they don't actually know themselves, who stars in their adverts.

For years viewers around the world have tuned in to their favourite television shows, and during the advert breaks have watched Newtro-Gina peddle their wares, but always with the burning question of who is that person spouting scientific words, that are clearly made up?

As more and more people began to question the validity of the supposed 'stars' in the short breaks, ad makers decided to up the ante by inserting the name of the star, very quickly, at the beginning of the advert in early 2005.

But this did nothing to reassure viewers that they were actually listening to a genuine celebrity, because the names had never been heard of by the majority of the population.

Fictitious 'stars', who have been used in adverts over the years, include Josie Bissett, Julie Bowen, Angie Harmon, Jennifer Garner, Kristen Bell, Mandy Moore and the unbelievably named Kristin Kruek.

Independent poll providers. 'Do You Know..?', took to the streets and asked a hundred people which of these 'stars' had they heard of. The findings speak for themselves.

'Do You Know..?' spokesman Bertie Lett told us "Only two people thought they recognised the name Mandy Moore, and another went to school with someone called Jennifer Garner, but it couldn't have been the same one, because she had buck-teeth and a wonky eye! Other than that, no one had a clue."

With the latest set of adverts hitting the screens, starring Vanessa Hudgens, Newtro-Gina spokesmen broke their long standing silence and released a statement to the gathered press.

"We, as a company, have for years prided ourselves on fantastic products with fantastic sciency-sounding names. We have been at the forefront of making stuff up and telling you it works. And to do this we have relied on the medium of TV to spread our word. And more importantly the word of known and trusted stars of stage and screen, to put our point across."

"But we have noticed a worryingly deep decline over the last six years, and we admit we have begun to question the validity of some of our 'spokeswomen' on TV. This latest advert has us all confounded. We have not got a clue who Vanessa Hudgens is. We don't know what she's done to make us feel she is an expert on anything, we don't know what credentials she has to even appear on TV, we don't even think she has a very 'starry' name. I mean, Hudgens? C'mon..they couldn't do better than that?"

Newtro-Gina are to pull their latest advertising campaign from TV and magazines globally, with immediate effect. They have fired their entire advertising department, and have offered a $10,000 reward for information leading to a positive identification of who Vanessa Hudgens actually is.

A Google search came up with nothing.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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