Wall Street raid is off target: cops arrest protesters instead of the perps

Funny story written by Michael Balton

Monday, 26 September 2011

image for Wall Street raid is off target: cops arrest protesters instead of the perps

New York - A special police task force swooped down on Wall Street this morning to arrest hundreds of investment and high-finance executives accused of defrauding and possibly destroying the world's economic system.

But the cops were distracted by a group of demonstrators who were denouncing Wall Street fraud, and wound up arresting the protesters instead of the alleged con artists.

"It was an honest mistake," said Capt. Gil Feathermore, Commander of the NYPD's Bunko Squad. "Good police practice dictates that you always take the path of least resistance. That way, you have something left for your paying customers. Those pimps and drug dealers can be quite demanding, you know."

But it was the protesters who wound up paying the price. "They were in the street, there for the taking," Feathermore continued. "So we took them. Besides, we had direct orders from Mayor Bloomberg to go after the hippies. If you don't like it, sue me."

Actually, many of the arrested protesters have already initiated legal action against Feathermore, the NYPD, the City of New York, and Mayor Bloomberg.

The Mayor might be the most vulnerable on the list, forced to defend what appears to be a blatant conflict of interest.

"The Bloomberg fortune is totally dependent upon the success of Wall Street," said one investment industry insider. "Having protesters camping out among the Bulls and Bears is not good for business, as well as being an insult to his highness. This police raid has Bloomberg written all over it."

Feathermore was asked when his task force would return to the financial district to complete its original mission. "That's up to the mayor," he replied. "We need special funding to put together a raid involving dozens of law enforcement specialists. The catering bill alone is staggering."

Meanwhile, the ratings agency Moody's gave today's police raid a AAA score. "The analytical abilities of the police officers warrant our highest rating," the agency said. "They were able to distinguish the real threat, and neutralize the situation."

Feathermore said the positive Moody's rating guarantees that no employees of the rating agency would be arrested. This, despite the fact that Moody's contributed to the economic crisis by giving top ratings to worthless investments.

"I think the AAA score they gave us closes this case," Feathermore said. "Now my men can get back to doing what they do best. Those traffic tickets don't fix themselves, you know."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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