Republicans Decide Voter Suppression is Too Much Work, Decide to Set Democrats on Fire
WASHINGTON D.C.: Republicans unveiled a controversial tactic in their attempt to win the 2018 election. Senator Mitch McConnell told CNN, “We gained five points in the polls when we implied that Democrats should not have heads if they take back the Congress. So we've decided to hunt and kill them to ensure total control. Rand Paul is going to wear Al Franken's skin just in case someone decides...
Read full storyKangaroo Attack Family Talk Calmly About Their Experience
An Australian couple and their son, who have been caring for kangaroos for more than 30 years, have spoken to reporters about the savage attack that changed their minds about the infernal beasts. Jim and Linda Santoro, from Millmerran in Queenslan...
Read full storyFA New Fairplay Scheme: Teams That 'Should Have Won' To Be Awarded All Three Points
The Football Association has announced that, in order to "address the perceived unfairness in domestic football", it will introduce a new scheme whereby teams that 'should have won' will be awarded the three points. The scheme will be operated by...
Read full storyPac-Man Breaks Fourth Wall to Give Male Players Protips How to Interact with Women Voters
(special guest editor: Pac-Man) Hello, everyone! My name is Pac-Man! I am a video game character created by Namco. It's about this time that one of your fellow Male Players, Loony Liberal, has a problem. Several million players have decided that brains are optional. This is causing problems, because you use us to make people happy. That would be difficult to do if you decide to drink toilet...
Read full storyPresident Trump Floats Slavery Idea
President Donald Trump has indicated at a meeting with Republican colleagues, that, as a way of solving problems in the employment sector, he "would not totally oppose" the idea of a return to slavery on a limited scale. The news had an earth-shat...
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