Written by Monkey Woods

Sunday, 14 October 2018

image for Kangaroo Attack Family Talk Calmly About Their Experience
Cute - at a distance

An Australian couple and their son, who have been caring for kangaroos for more than 30 years, have spoken to reporters about the savage attack that changed their minds about the infernal beasts.

Jim and Linda Santoro, from Millmerran in Queensland, were feeding around 20 kangaroos after the area had been affected by severe drought, when one of them attacked Jim, knocking him to the ground.

Linda tried to intervene, but the kangaroo just laughed, and batted her aside. Their son, Nicky - named after Joe Pesci's psychopathic character in 'Casino' - then intervened properly with the flat of a shovel across the roo's bonce, repeatedly.

Jim said:

"For years, we've looked after these barsteds, and for what? If I've told Linda once, I've told her a million times, kangaroos are shithouses."

Even kind-hearted Linda has now had enough. She said:

"We've been mum and dad to a lot of these roos over the years, but they're completely without gratitude.Well, they can fuck right off now! I've had it with the cunts. They can all die a slow death in the Outback, for all I care. Fuckers!"

It was left to Nicky to provide the voice of reason. He told us:

"Ah've always hated roos. They're pests, scum and should be woiped out. When ah saw that piece of fucken shit on me ma, ah fucken snepped! Ah hit the cunt a few toimes with the shovel, and woulda blasted him inta space if ah'd had me shotgun! If it comes anywhere near here again, ah'll rip its fucken heart an brain out, an fucken eat 'em with a cold one!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Topics: Australia, Kangaroos




Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
82 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more