Longwood High School Welcomes Its New Counselor, Mr. Peter Grabber
Longwood High School is proud to welcome its new School Counselor, Mr. Peter Grabber. Mr. Grabber was recently interviewed and hired by District Principal, Mr. Rod Whitestain, and his Assistant Principal, Ms. Oval Peckertracks. He will be replacing the school's previous counselor, Mr. Bendem Overfast. When asked why he chose 'student counseling' as a career path, Mr. Grabber said he was inspir...
Read full storyTeenage Dickhead's Street Cred Destroyed After Man Tells Him "Fuck Off, Knobhead!"
The feelings of a teenager were left in tatters last night, when a man outside an off-licence told the lad, in no uncertain terms: "Fuck off, knobhead!" The incident happened outside 'Beero Beers' in Romford, Essex, as bully David 'Ammo' Hamilt...
Read full storyShoplifting Now UK's Fastest-growing Industry
There was brighter news for industry today, when it was announced that, despite poor performances in nearly all the UK's industry sectors, there was one major area of growth - shoplifting. Whilst energy, manufacturing, the services sector, financi...
Read full storyNew Study Suggests Your Pets Not Actually Children
In a shocking study released by Arizona State University on Monday, researchers suggested that your pets may not actually be children. The consensus has attracted criticism from pet owners and scientists alike, who have nothing else tethering them to...
Read full storyGoogle Spying On Its Users
Google is spying on its users and tracking their movements in a secretive way, according to stuff I read on the internet. So that they can feel safe, and to conceal their whereabouts, Google's users are usually advised to turn off their 'Location History', but this has been found to be insufficient, and that Google are still able to track users' locations, unless the user also disables the opti...
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