Trump Wants His Own Internet
Cawker City, Kansas Donald Trump spoke out against the Internet on his latest campaign stop. "What's the deal with this Internet thing anyways? I don't use it myself, I have everything printed out for me! All I hear is bad things about it. All the...
Read full storyTrump Has Serious Mental Illness
Recent suggestions by medical doctors and psychoanalysts have sparked a national conversation and the media has pressed candidates Clinton and Trump about submitting to a panel of MD's to check their physical health as well as submitting to psychoana...
Read full storyTrump Denounces Science as a Democratic Hoax
Monowi, Nebraska From the campaign trail, Donald Trump, at a question and answer session, expressed his views on Science. "Science is a big hoax perpetrated by Hillary and the Democratic Party to hoodwink the American people into believing in glob...
Read full storyPrince Philip Still a Part-Time God
Vanatu Many people don't realize that the Kastom people that are around Yaohnanen village, on the southern island of Tanna, in the island nation of Vanuatu, belong to a cargo cult devoted to Prince Philip! While most people see him as just an or...
Read full storyFive Signs You've Been Watching Too Much Crime TV
With so much crime TV on today, such as the Escape Channel and Investigation Discovery, whole networks are devoted to crime stories, with tales of homicide, rape, and terror everywhere on the dial. Therefore, it's good to know the signs that you've been watching too much TV and should probably slack off a bit. 1. You cancel all the life insurance on yourself because you think having it would ju...
Read full storyClinton Fakes Illness to Convince Voters She is Human
Chappaqua, NY-Democratic Presidential Nominee Hilary Clinton released a statement this past weekend stating that her dizzy spell caught on camera was the result of a case of Pneumonia. This alarmed many registered voters in swing states who were...
Read full storyPepe Warezabar interviews Rabead al Sham Sham at Hotel Jarabulus
Back, yes, Pepe Warezabar here, and I'm back. What do they call it--a sequester? Studying my navel and sacred texts and other matters? Now I'm bartender at Hotel Jarabulus just below the border with Turkey. It's been two years since Kobani and my last work in Erdogan's tent (for which I received The Guard Dog's undercover-story-of-the-week award, by the way). At this very moment I'm at th...
Read full storyClinton Camp Insists Stumbling Incident Had "Nothing to do with" Seeing Huge Puerto Rican Cock
New York (AP) - The video showing Hillary Clinton stumbling into her van and nearly falling before secret service grabbed her shoulders has fueled speculation that the Democratic Presidential candidate may be suffering from undisclosed health ailment...
Read full storyHillary Understimated The Number Of Trump Backers In The Basket of Deplorables
In early September, Hillary Clinton told a fund-raising crowd, "To just be grossly generalistic, you can put half of Trump supporters into what I call the basket of deplorables, right? Racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic, Islamophobic, you name i...
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