"It's 2016," declare researchers
Researchers from the Blue Sky Institute of San Francisco published ground-breaking research earlier this week that confirmed earlier theories posited by Justin Trudeau, earlier this year. "It's, umm, really quite interesting," panted Dr. Jones, th...
Read full storyUK Schools' Chess Report
It was great year for our beloved chess team for, on the 13th of June, the four of us set off to London for the UK Schools' Chess quarter-finals. We were in high spirits as we waved goodbye to Miss Smith and boarded the plane, remembering to strap on our flak-jackets and seat-belts, for we were certain that this year, at long last, Methodist College Belfast would take home the colours. However...
Read full storyRudolph Giuliani To Join New York City Ballet Company
Rudolph Giuliani was invited to join the New York City Ballet Company. After watching and listening to Giuliani's latest pirouette and grand jete in a desperate attempt to explain and translate Donald Trump's current misspeak: "Hillary wants to a...
Read full storyTrump Chooses Three Substitutes to Debate Hillary
New York, NY - Donald J. Trump announced today that he will be unavailable for the three scheduled debates with Hillary Clinton and that the campaign has hired three substitutes. Trump's substitutes will be Senator Elizabeth Warren for the domestic...
Read full storyTrump sues his own mouth following diagnosis of rare disease first described by Shakespeare
GOP candidate for president Mr. Donald Trump is currently taking himself to court in a suit against his own mouth and its insinuations. Mr. Trump indicates he might be persuaded to call off the suit (with sufficient monetary compensation), but onl...
Read full storyDonald Trump opens fire on cheering rally audience
In perhaps the most outrageous stunt of his presidential campaign so far, Donald Trump has shot dead 14 of his own voters at a rally in Cleveland. During a speech about gun control, he pulled out an assault rifle from behind the podium and fired rand...
Read full storyFeds Seize Record 10 Tons Of Organic Chicken from KFC
The announcement by the FDA on Wednesday morning has sent a shock wave through the U.S. fast food industry and startled even its most loyal consumer base. The discovery, hidden in near plain sight within KFC's supply chain, has shaken the very t...
Read full storyBush Reality TV Show A Ratings Hit; 6 More Episodes of "In the Bushes" Released
Los Angeles, LA--The Bush family reality TV show has become a smash hit with six more episodes released. With two ex-Presidents, one failed Presidential candidate, one young Presidential wannabe, and the wives who endure them, Lifetime network now h...
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