Teddy Bears Protest Planned Closing of FAO Schwarz
Even for New Yorkers who think they've seen it all, this was a unique sighting! Yesterday on Fifth Avenue in NYC, a large group of teddy bears protested the planned July closing of the world-famous toy store FAO Schwarz. The bears staged the prote...
Read full storyAn unholy terror goes on casino tear, gets an inventory of criminal charges, but is reinstated as an NHL analyst after rehab
The Arizona Coyotes have reinstalled Nick Boynton as the team's radio analyst. Boynton was suspended by the NHL team after he was charged with assault, disorderly conduct, harassment, resisting arrest, criminal mischief, and obstruction of government...
Read full storyNSA closed down, Americans free to talk
Today the NSA has been stopped in its tracks, no longer able to bulk collect phone data. Some citizens were happy with this decision, but not Col. Biff Trotter, who lambasted the Senate and everybody else. "Damn that Rand Paul," Col. Trotter said...
Read full storyTrees watch the Happening, and decide to "at least make allergy season sucky this year."
After watching the perennially criticized M. Knight Shayamalan film "The Happening" trees have been attempting to replicate the effects on humans from the movie, but thus far have only gotten some people to sneeze and cough a lot. Mountain cedar...
Read full storyNew study finds that ties are pointless, dangerous
A study released this week by the Michigan Institute of Technology's School of Clothing and Clothes-Wearers has found that ties serve no purpose at all. The study is the result of six years' research, and an estimated $42 million in public funding.
Read full storySepp Blatter wins Nobel Prize for Obliviousness
Amid a whirlwind of allegations against FIFA, the world football authority, its Secretary-General received a rare piece of good news. In a private ceremony held earlier today, Sepp Blatter was awarded the 2015 Nobel Prize for Obliviousness. The a...
Read full storyRepublican Convention to Feature Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) Competition
Special to TPN-Republican National Chairman Reince Priebus has revealed that the party's presidential nominee will be determined by the winner of a Mixed Martial Arts (Ultimate Fighting) tournament. "With dozens of party members having thrown the...
Read full story