Trump states one plus one is three
Tonight, Donald Trump, Republican candidate for president, addressed the members of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology student body. Falling far behind in the race for the presidency, because as Mr. Trump put it, "The public thinks I'm outl...
Read full storyAl Qaeda Pharmaceuticals Changes Its Name
CARLSBAD, CA - Al Qaeda Pharmaceuticals on Friday announced that it will change its name ISIS Pharmaceuticals. The company's shares, which now trade on the NYSE under the ticker "AQUS," will trade under the new ticker symbol "ISIS." The new ticker...
Read full storyHillary Clinton's Gigantic Shit During Commercial Break Disrupts Debate
Americans watching Saturday's Democratic debate saw Hillary Clinton's empty podium for nearly one minute when ABC News came back from its second commercial break as she found herself in the unfortunate position of needing to take a dump, which ended...
Read full storyNew Star Wars Film Spoilers! Yes, I Am Mean Enough To Ruin It For You! Bwhaaa, Haaa ,Haaa, Haaa!
Bwaaa Haaa Haaa Haaa! The POWER that comes with being one of the first ones to see the new Star Wars movie! It is like being showered with the Dark Side of the Force!!!!!! Bwaaa Haaa Haaa Haaa! Yes, Hans Solo does come back in this new film- using a walker to get around. He finds the two new characters in his precious Millennium Falcon and yells out to them "Hey you kids! Get off my sh...
Read full storyNorth Korea to Name Labor Camp for Donald Trump
Pyongyang, North Korea North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un announced today that Camp 22 will henceforth be known as Donald Trump Camp and the towers with machine gun turrets have been named Trump Towers North, South, East, and West. We feel that, ev...
Read full storyPushy Pyong Yang Plans Planetary Plantation of Pluto
During a on-air debate on North Korean State TV, an ex-KGB agent claims that Kim yong Un intends to annex the tiny exo-planet. However dissent is brewing among a handful of his advisers, namely Kim yong Deux, his Chief Science Officer. Deux has...
Read full story"Any Attack by Sanders Against This Campaign Would Be a Useless Gesture," Sneers Imperial Commander Clinton
MANCHESTER, NH--Sitting in council with her advisers in preparation for her debate with Bernie Sanders, Imperial Commander Clinton dismissed any claims that Sanders' campaign posed a threat to her own, declaring that the Clinton Machine was "medi...
Read full storyNerd Still Two Star Wars Films from Forgiving J.J. Abrams for Lost
LAFAYETTE, IN--While acknowledging that The Force Awakens exceeded his expectations and has left him excited about the future of the Star Wars franchise, local nerd Michael Leclere told reporters Monday that he has still not forgiven J.J. Abrams...
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