Woman Files Suit Against A Waterfall
Torrington, Wyoming (UPI): Mrs. Biddy G. Voortface, Cryan Estates, today filed suit against the Silver Cord Cascade and 44 other waterfalls in Yellowstone National Park, citing the severe threat their din posed to what she called the "auditory integr...
Read full story'It's Clinton-De Blasio 2016 or all bets are off' NYC Mayor tellls Hillary
New York - NYC Mayor Bill de Blasio will be Hillary Clinton's 2016 running mate according to a secret deal forged by the Reverend Al Sharpton. De Blasio is sitting pretty as a firm 3/1 favorite to become Hillary's slave - ah, Veep! - after pushing...
Read full storySnoop Dogg backs dope drone app
Los Angeles, California - Rolling Stoned magazine is reporting today that well known US rapper Snoop Dogg is a leading backer of an innovative $100m start-up business delivering medical marijuana by aerial drone. Mr Dogg, real name Calvin Cordoza...
Read full storyFrankie Howerd on the General Election
Good evening, Ooh no, don't. Don't laugh. Oh no. What a week I've had. What a week, Missus. Have you had a week? I bet you have. No, don't titter. Don't mock the afflicted. Oh but what a week it's been. Yes. No. Ooh. Hang on while I make some adjustments. I'm still breaking in these trousers you see. Don't mock. I shall have to knock through at this rate. No. Don't laugh. Yes, you Missus. Ca...
Read full storyElection Thoughts with Reverend W A Spooner
Mood Gorning, I tant to walk today about the forthcoming General Election, which is only wee threeks away and is constantly deing biscussed in all the marious vedia. Some of you might fe beeling a fittle led up of all the telection alk and may creel like frying out: "I stan't cand many ore of this! I wish I fas war away hom frere." To all of you I say: "I hear you and I understand". It al...
Read full storySmall-Breasted Cocktail Waitresses Demand Income Equality
LAS VEGAS, NV - According to the latest data from the Bureau of Labor Statistics, cocktail waitresses with small breasts make 63 cents for every dollar large-breasted cocktail waitresses make. Today a group of Las Vegas lawmakers want to change th...
Read full storyAnswers To Correspondents - Has My Wife Set A Snooker Record?
QUESTION Recently my wife attended a hen party on the Isle of Wight. After several drinks she began a game with another woman on the pub snooker table. She claims to have had a break of 155. Is this possible? Additionally she then went on to play darts and claims to have achieved a nine dart finish, whatever that was. Mr. Nick Swarzkopf ANSWER Hello Nick. Regarding the snooker, your wif...
Read full storyRejected Book Review by Gordon Ramsey
LAST SUPPERS Famous Final Meals from Death Row by Ty Treadwell Paperback All the Right Ingredients 'Last Suppers: Famous Final Meals from Death Row' is one of those quirky books that will either turn your stomach or leave you hungry for more. Most of the condemned inmates requested uncomplicated meals that would never be listed in the Healthy Heart Cookbook. Little wonder. I can confirm t...
Read full storyRejected Book Review by Hugh Grant
THE ART OF AUTO-FELLATIO Oral Sex for One by Gary Griffin Paperback Gary Griffin's book deals sensitively with a controversial subject but I think the title, The Art of Auto-fellatio, is a bit pretentious. Since when has receiving it in a car been considered an art? I should know. In June, 1995, when I was grabbed by the fuzz while parked with a hooker near Sunset Boulevard, then nabbed...
Read full storyHarry Potter Book 8 to be Released
Due to popular demand J.K. Rowling has succumbed to unexpectedly writing Harry Potter Book Eight. "I know I said I had stopped at Book Seven and would never write another... and I am sooooo embarrassed, believe me. But my controllers,... er... ba...
Read full storyIn Praise of Snowden Haters (Totally Non-Satirical)
The US have somehow managed to capture the musical talents of Jayden Smith, Siren Smilies, Bob Dylan, and Dustin Bleeper, putting them on display for all the world to provide the emotional response of their choice… Yet, somehow, that unpatriotic bastard Edward Snowden, who maliciously and unforgivably pulled out of his ass all that self-evidently fake and contrived bullshit about NSA "snooping,...
Read full storyRepublicans Start Hauling Out and Dusting Off Their Borg-like Candidates
The 2016 Presidential Election is starting out with snail like excitement and colorful shades of gray-toned vibrancy. The Republican Party is beginning to wheel out their musty Presidential hopefuls for the public to gawk at. What is not let out into...
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