In Praise of Snowden Haters (Totally Non-Satirical)

Funny story written by TM_Dealer

Wednesday, 15 April 2015

The US have somehow managed to capture the musical talents of Jayden Smith, Siren Smilies, Bob Dylan, and Dustin Bleeper, putting them on display for all the world to provide the emotional response of their choice…

Yet, somehow, that unpatriotic bastard Edward Snowden, who maliciously and unforgivably pulled out of his ass all that self-evidently fake and contrived bullshit about NSA "snooping," has never been brought to justice.

YES; I said contrived, and so have plenty of reliable sources from no fewer than two wholly democratic... um, at least, "DEMOCRATIC" and accountable political parties in the USA.

Like, for a start, we've got one lover of people who are not technically considered human, who spent years doing humanitarian assistance in Vietnam, without napalming a SINGLE stray dog, kitten or Chinese dragon; or another one who got an international prize for contributions to women's rights; so she MUST be a good person too, right?

Well? Do you REALLY think the NSA have nothing better to do than hack your webcam when you're jerking off to random strangers; or to snatch all those pictures you shot at that creepy swinging club in a sexually repressed part of town that I'm not going to mention here, but you all know who you are?

I mean, seriously; these people, for a mere pittance, disinterestedly dedicate their solely lives to catching people who might or might not at some point in the future pose a degree of ABSOLUTELY CATASTROPHIC PERIL TO OUR WAY OF LIFE… or then again, who may not.

Still, bartering a wee bit of surplus liberty for a crapload of security; sounds a pretty good bargain to me. If you have any unpatriotic doubts on this matter, consult the rare archive source below, which you can't see, because it's LITERALLY invisible to the likes of you.

Literally? Like, literally in a literal sense, or like literally non-literal?

I'll leave you to chew on that one.

Anyways… all these people dissing the NSA, they are Literally Worse Than Hayek™!

I mean, do you seriously think they are going to punk your webcam when you're on www.crankschten-about-meine-fraulein-2-donna-bella-ja-stimmt.fr_eurowwweenie
or somethin'…

Like, why the hell would they want to do something like that? I mean, that's just unthinkable! These people are better than that! It just wouldn't cross their mind! Not once!

I mean, they just ABSOLUTELY wouldn't! Well, probably not… Hmmmm…

Oh by the way... yo, Julian™. Take your hand of my crotch. Seriously, man. When I said "NSA..."

Ah, forget it.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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