Ancient biblical ambergris litters site of Jonah's Tomb destruction
Mosul, Iraq - The wanton bombing of a Mosul mosque today saw much of the Iraqi city spattered with nearly half a ton of fossilised biliary secretion from the guts of an Old Testament sperm whale that did for the prophet Jonah. The seer was buried...
Read full storyMan requests girlfriend to accept his marriage proposal again "with more enthusiasm"
London - Personal Trainer Randy Offington demanded his girlfriend Suzanna Mills agree to marry with him with "more enthusiasm" this morning. Mr Offington had gone to great lengths to make the proposal special by taking her to a park where the two ha...
Read full storyMcClaren and Moyes co-found support group
Steve McClaren and David Moyes have co-founded a support group for battered and abused sporting managers, with the hope of providing an environment to rehabilitate anyone who joins. Both the co-founders have arguably received the most ridicule and...
Read full storyExtend Your Shitty, Meaningless Existence With the Nutrirocket Food Extractor!
The Nutrirocket food extractor is the latest, most scientifically-proven way to extend one's painful, lost existence indefinitely. Thanks to the most innovative in 21st century euphemisms, we have magically turned a 40 dollar blender into a $120.00 (...
Read full storyElderly blind man prevents aircraft hijacking
There have been numerous reports of aircraft disasters in recent weeks. Some of the aircraft went down in freak accidents while others were taken down by antiaircraft missiles shot by terrorists on the ground. Yesterday, in an unintended heroic act o...
Read full storyEnd Of World Cult Family Get On Wrong Spaceship
Four members of a doomsday cult, calling themselves Scientopolists and followers of Ronnette L. "Old Mother" Hubbard have been taken away by a spacecraft with huge colored lights making strange "Close Encounter" type musical notes, from Area 51 nea...
Read full storyPrime Minister Netanyahu Goes Fundraising Amid Country in Turmoil
Tel Aviv - With his country deep in the midst of major crises and problems which demand his attention, including the current war with Hamas, Prime Minister Netanyahu headed out today for a quick cash-and-grab fundraising trip. The Prime Minist...
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