USA Fury As Prince Harry of England Scores In Extra Time
American soccer fans are furious after being knocked out of the World Cup thanks to a goal from third in line to the British throne, Prince Harry. Despite the scoreboard showing the goal, scored in the seventh minute of extra time, being credited...
Read full storyPregnancy rumors as Serena Williams pulls out early
Wimbledon, London - World number one seed Serena Williams is up the duff if Wimbledon tournament rumors are to be believed. A 3-0 game of double faults saw the winner of 32 Majors pull out early citing women's problems and a 'lack of balls'. U...
Read full storyHorizontal Refreshment
Sadly, due primarily to a more indolent life style, more and more British men are failing to either sexually satisfy, or get their respective partners pregnant and are generally firing blanks rather than healthy spermatozoon. Such is the seriousne...
Read full storySupreme Court Rules Corporations Can Do Whatever They Want
The U.S. Supreme Court ruled today that corporations, especially ones closely held by very rich people, will have no restrictions whatsoever in whatever they do. "We have been heading in this direction for a long time" spoke Chief Justice John Rob...
Read full storyDowntown Abbey Not "East Enders in Bodices"
Critics have slammed Downtown Abbey as being a soap in which the characters wear bodices. They say the so called serious drama has been poshed up so that Middle Class viewing figures will increase. "You've got it all wrong", said Julie Anne Fellows,...
Read full storyVisions in the Local Supermarket
I take my lunch at the same time every damn day. At the appointed hour, I rise from my desk and vacate the building as quickly as possible (usually via the 1st floor window). Evading the guard dogs and searchlights, I take a five minute walk across a very busy road to the local Tesco for a sandwich, a packet of crisps and a critique of the human condition. In between bouts of awareness toward...
Read full storyA Trifecta of Awful Movies
Elysium, R.I.P.D., Gravity It happened over one weekend. Actually, it was within a twenty-four hour period that I watched these movies - three movies that will forever be etched on my brain as nothing more than a complete waste of my time and effort. Ok, let's start with the first shitty-arsed puppy that wandered into my DVD player and took a dump. How anyone can make a film in which you...
Read full storyMove To Overturn U.S. - Scotland Haggis Import Ban
A ban on Haggis imported from Scotland into the U.S. may be lifted in the next few days as E.U. and The United States meet to improve food trading regulations between the two Continents. The importation of Haggis from Scotland (near England, E.U.
Read full storyHigh Ranking Previous Government Member Found In Scotland
A leading member of the previous government who is number two on the most wanted playing card list circulated by the Conservatives has been photographed in Scotland. The man who, along with all members of the previous government is being blamed fo...
Read full storyHigh Speed Rail Link Between Treorchy And Craig Y Llyn In Wales Approved
A new high speed rail link between Treorchy and Craig - Y Llyn in Glamorgan has been approved. Development of the provision of transport to Wales' Heritage sites and in particular places of post-glacial phytological significance has been a priority...
Read full storyBrian Air unveil plans to deal with French Air Traffic controllers strike
Brian Air, the cheap, no nonsense Budget airline that normally lands somewhere vaguely near it's destination, have unveiled plans with how to deal with future French air traffic controller strikes. "Obviously, ,the strike from French air traffic c...
Read full storyScare As Second Turner Prize Masterpiece Goes Missing
A full scale lockdown at the Tate Modern Museum kicked in automatically when the curator pressed the security master switch, days after exhibit "Empty Room With Lights Going On And Off" was stolen. The runner up Turner Prize winning work of art,...
Read full storyAngry Liberals Vow to Open New Chain of Stores Called 'Snobby Lobby'
Boston - Liberals are seething over the Supreme Court decision which allows Hobby Lobby to not have to offer certain birth control products which they believe induce abortions and which violate their religious beliefs. Hateful people took to t...
Read full storyNRA Endorses "Kill Your Own School Lunch Program"
The NRA and GOP have finally found a free school lunch program that they feel comfortable endorsing. The "Kill Your Own School Lunch Program" is a pilot program in selected rural areas that teaches firearm safety, hunting, trapping and self sufficien...
Read full story67% of all happy Facebook updates posted by people with miserable lives, study
HARFOLD, Vt. - A study released this week by Harfold State College indicates that at least two out of every three happy Facebook status updates are posted by pathetic sons-of-bitches with miserable lives. Junior Bertrand Russell produced his Faceb...
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