Wall Street unimpressed with scrounger royals
New York - The big money fixers are staying away in droves as Prince William and his gargoyle wife arrive in NYC rattling their sadass begging bowls. Up to a dozen City Z-LIsters have forked out fifty grand a piece to hobnob with the faux royals w...
Read full storyKool-Aid Man Banned from All Stadium Events!
In a move that no one has prepared for, the Kool-Aid Man has been banned from all stadium events, especially football and hockey events, across North America and the UK effective immediately. In a press release, event organizers cited concerns over p...
Read full storyKennedy Space Centre To Stick To Exploding Rockets And $4Bn Roman Candles
The fascination of many Kennedy Space Centre spectators with unmanned spacecraft which explode harmlessly has led organisors to rethink events at the complex. It has been calculated that giant Saturn Rocket powered roman candles and aerial explosion...
Read full storyPope Francis on Sin and Penance.
VATICAN CITY PAPAL ANNOUNCEMENT. The following was broadcast last night by Pope Francis from Rome. "The Holy See's concern with the march of materialism has prompted her to reinstate PENANCE as the primary mode of the expiation of sins. For too long we have ignored the sacrament and its healing power. The global obsession with transient pleasures, with material things, with cosmetics, travel...
Read full storyVatican to reboot bible in 2015
Catholics around the world have been screaming "blasphemy" all day after it was revealed that the Vatican will reboot the Bible next year and write a new "more modern" version if it for release in the summertime. The Vatican made the decision du...
Read full storyArsene Wenger defends Arsenal's proud principle of "losing"
Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger took offence during yesterdays press conference after the loss to Stoke City in the Premier League, when a journalist criticised the club for losing the match 3-2. The French manager took issue with the journalist talki...
Read full storyGay man comes out of closet, but father makes him go back in
He finally mustered up enough fortitude and courage to do it. However, once Parker Williams stepped out the closet, revealing his homosexuality to the world, his father, Frank Williams, was standing right there. "He made me go right back in,"...
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