Mental Hospital Phone Menu
Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital. Please select from the following menu: If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are a co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call. If you...
Read full storyAlien artefuct salvaged in Russian lake meteorite search
Lake Chebarkul, Russia - Dredged up from the murky depths of a Chelyabinsk lake a carving of an alien smoking madonna has been discovered on a five tonne fragment of charred space rock. Divers searching for remains of February's meteorite found th...
Read full storyIdiot in fast lane only going 78
CONNECTICUT--In defiance of simple highway courtesy, commuters on I-95 southbound reported Wednesday that the owner of a 2005 Volvo S60 was traveling at a paltry 78 miles per hour, despite the fact that the car was in the left-hand lane. "God, can...
Read full storyWest Ham Reveal Ravel Revelationn
West Ham supporters have been searching the works of the composer Ravel, following the dramatic development of their goal scoring genius Ravel Morrison. Tipped to replace the Bubbles song and the Christmas Carol, 'Where Are You, Father Christmas?'...
Read full storyCameron looks to China for inspiration
Having sent out the Mayor of London and the Chancellor of Exchequer to forge closer links with China David Cameron is already taking inspiration from Chinese lawmakers about how to deal with the Police Federation in the row over Andrew Mitchell.
Read full storyMajor League Baseball Will Begin Using Red Baseballs In 2014
NEW YORK CITY - Word coming from the office of MLB Commissioner Bud Selig is that MLB will be testing out a red baseball prior to the opening of the 2014 baseball season. The commissioner said that he got the idea from China where professional bas...
Read full storySnooki Is Predicting That She Is Going To Win This Season's Dancing With The Stars
HOLLYWOOD - Nicole Polizzi, better known as Snooki, has said that she is literally dancing her butt off on Dancing With The Stars. She remarked that her dance partner Sasha Farber takes into account that at 4-foot-9-inches she is very tiny and he...
Read full storyThe Mars Land Rover Curiosity Makes An Astonishing Discovery!
HOUSTON - NASA has just reported what is being hailed as an amazing discovery that was made by the Mars Land Rover Curiosity. According to high ranking NASA officials the land rover has discovered over 30 arrowheads that laid buried one foot benea...
Read full storyThe NBA Is Considering Suspending Players For Flopping
PHOENIX - NBA Commissioner David Stern was in Arizona visiting his old friend Governor Jan Brewer. While in The Land of The Saguaro Cactus he was asked if he is planning on taking any action on the flopping situation that has really gotten out of...
Read full storyMcDonalds Has Added The iBurger To Its Menu
OAK BROOK, Illinois - The McDonald's Corporation has always looked upon itself as being on the cutting edge on new menu items and its newly developed iBurger looks to be a sure winner. Nancy Zabeletta, a spokesperson for the fast food franchise gi...
Read full storyWillie Nelson and Miley Cyrus To Host Colorado's 1st Annual Miss Marijuana Beauty Pageant
DENVER - The Rocky Mountain State has just announced that it will be hosting one of the best beauty pageants in the history of beauty pageants. Representatives with Colorado's 1st Annual Miss Marijuana Beauty Pageant have said that all of the page...
Read full storyKim Jong Un In An Amazing Gesture of Goodwill Offers To Lend The USA $21 Billion
PYONGYANG, North Korea - The Rice Paddy News Agency of North Korea has just announced that North Korean leader Kim Jong Un is reaching out to the United States. The leader of North Korea has expressed a desire to lend the financially troubled U.S.
Read full storyJodie Foster Falls Head Over Heels For Ellen DeGeneres' Ex-Girlfriend Alexandra Hedison
HOLLYWOOD - Jodie Foster says that Ellen DeGeneres is acting like a 16-year-old school girl and she really needs to look in the mirror and see that she's actually a 55-year-old cougar. Foster is very upset at the fact that the talk show maven has...
Read full storyRepublicans Smoking Too Much Weed Again
Once again Republicans have been having drug deliriums from smoking too much weed. With regards to the stalemate on the shutting down the government (by the way, the WRONG parts of the government have gotten shut down- why are these guys still in th...
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