'Stand Your Ground' not the same as 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' Brits told
Washington DC - Officials at the British embassy in Washington have issued updated tourist guidelines about US legal jargon amid fears that the average Brit is still clueless and confused in the wake of the Trayvon Martin shooting. A hotline for h...
Read full storyFlorida OKs Hand Grenades for "Stand-Your-Ground" Defense
Special to TPN - Florida Governor Rick Scott today signed into law an expansion of his state's controversial "Stand-Your-Ground" statute 776.013. Those with so-called "carry" permits for handguns will be allowed to conceal on their persons not more t...
Read full storyObama Administration Admits It Did Sum Ting Wong When NTSB Released Fake Pilot Names To TV Station
BEIJING (AP) - The White House say it regret hirarious prane clash in San Francisco earlier this month of the Asiana Airlines Dleamriner. After viewers notice that a rocal TV station (KTVU) was reporting that the names of pirots in the Asiana Airl...
Read full storyThe Los Angeles Lakers Desperately Want LeBron James
LOS ANGELES - The Los Angeles Lakers organization has stated that they are going to do everything within their power to secure the services of LeBron James. Jeanie Buss, team owner, and fianceé of ex-Laker Coach Phil "The Pill" Jackson stated to t...
Read full storyAlec Baldwin Implodes Yet Again
LAS VEGAS - According to a close friend who did not want his name revealed, Alec Baldwin flew into Las Vegas to see about purchasing a brand new toupee. Baldwin who adamantly denies that he wears a hair piece has said that he cannot help it if his...
Read full storyDetroit Goes Bankrupt: China Is Seriously Considering Buying The City
DETROIT - After months of speculation and wondering when the hammer will fall, the hammer has finally fallen on the once proud city of Detroit. The city has had to file for bankruptcy due to the fact that the Detroit City Fund only has $13.53 in t...
Read full storyKanye West Says Baby Mama Kim Kardashian Will Not Be Mrs. Kanye West
LOS ANGELES - In an announcement that has stunned the entire Kardashian family, Kanye West who is the father of Kim Kardashian's baby North West, says he has no intentions of marrying Kim. West speaking with Ling Chow Rangoon of iRumors said that...
Read full storyCharles Barkley Says That Metta World Peace Needs To Leave Basketball and Go Into Wrestling
CLEVELAND - Charles Barkley was in Cleveland doing a little fishing on Lake Michigan. He was asked by Sporting Chance Magazine reporter Hercules Confetti what he thought about Metta World Peace signing with the New York Knicks. "Hercules? Dude,...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan Wants A Baby - California Tells Her If She Has A Baby Her Probation Will Be Revoked
LOS ANGELES - Lindsay Lohan still has a little over four more weeks in rehab before she is released. An unnamed source stated that when Lohan is released she will have to be released under the supervision and guardianship of an adult. Her mothe...
Read full storyLaxative Testers: The Last of A Once Proud Profession
FLAGSTAFF, Arizona - According to recent research studies it appears that the once proud profession of laxative testers has gone the way of stagecoach drivers. The Amalgamated Data Gathering Agency has just released a year-long study which shows t...
Read full storyJulianne Hough Turns 25 Confesses She Wants To Physically Hook Up With Tom Cruise
MARINA DEL REY - Julianne Hough celebrated her 25th birthday at a party at Le Loins of Joan of Arc Restaurant in the town that George Strait made famous; Marina Del Rey. The 25-year-old ravishing blonde told a close friend that after ending a thre...
Read full storyUtah Votes To Restrict Women's Breasts To Size D or Smaller
SALT LAKE CITY - The Utah Senate has just passed a bill by a vote of 60-52 that will restrict the size of the breasts of women citizens of Utah Senator Buffington D. Sweden [D-Provo] spoke with Tequila Tallyhoo of Left Coast Mirror Magazine and to...
Read full storyJustin Bieber Starting To Give Kat Von D and Jesse James Some Serious Competition in The Tattoo Department
CHICAGO - Justin Bieber says he is doing his level best to try and stay out of trouble but that's kinda like Kirstie Alley saying she is going to cut back on her cookies consumption. Bieber who appears to be trying so hard to become one of the "Bi...
Read full story