Finger Doctors: E-Readers Are Killing Our Business
A national association of finger doctors said today that e-readers like the Kindle and Nook are taking away a large segment of their business. "We used to treat dozens of patients with paper cuts on their fingers from books and magazines each da...
Read full storyIt Actually Isn't What It Is
Linguistic experts say the phrase, "It is what it is," is incorrect, and in reality, it isn't what it is. "At one time it might have been what it is, or was, but it isn't anymore," said American Linguistic Association spokesman Binder Porkmann.
Read full storyBrendan Cockup: "Impressive Deception," says PM Cameroon
As detectives continue to pursue Willie Bodgem through the Bolivian outback, Scotland Yard is preparing to send back-up officers to La Paz today. Police throughout the country are struggling to deal with the amount of information being brought forwar...
Read full storyLongtime Batman Fan Building Full-Scale Gotham City to Stage His Own Bat-Adventures
ACKWORTH, IA - Born in the late 1960's, Bruce Wayne Stroker grew up reading DC Comics. His mother and father - both long-time fans of Bob Kane's seminal vigilante-superhero "Batman" - even named him for the famed millionaire-playboy of t...
Read full storyVatican Elects Gay Pope
The Vatican has officially appointed its first openly gay Pope, at least in this century. The rumor was confirmed today at noon when pink incense smoke was seen stylishly smoldering from the Vatican. The Vatican News put out an official announcem...
Read full storyMichael Jordan: Old Man, Got Game
Reports are coming out of left field that Michael Jordan, the ostensible greatest NBA player of all-time, plans a return to the game at age 50. Not since 70-year old Ty Cobb considered a comeback to baseball have we heard such a tall-tale. Cobb fe...
Read full storyNew Chocolate Sensation will be First Past the Post in Sales
A new Chocolate bar was launched today by Knestles named HORSE DELIGHT. It is the product of years of research into the eating habits of both humans and horses. Chief Executive of Knestles, Toby Barker, said that HORSE DELIGHT would be the the 'bi...
Read full storyObama Wastes Our Money On Himself
Barrack Obama has been accused of squandering the American's tax dollars on himself and his extraordinarily extravagant life style. Over the past weekend Obama has been holed up at the Floridian Golf Club playing golf with Tiger Woods and has not...
Read full storyFlorida Jails Animal Lover For Petting Manatee
FORT PIERCE, Fla. -- A Fort Pierce man, Wyan William Waterman, was arrested Sunday after posting online photos of himself and two young children petting and holding a manatee calf, according to the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission (F...
Read full storyIndia to Buy Shares in Royal Family to Underwrite UK Debt
UK Prime Minister David Cameron announced today from the black hole of Calcutta that India would be happy to pay off the UK debt of 15 Trillion pounds if they could 'borrow' the Royal Family for pompous ceremonies such as Changing of the Guard, Royal...
Read full storyRussian President Claims Spectacular Meteor Was Lost Continent Of Lilliputin
BILLINGSGATE POST - Russian President Vladimir Putin, the diminutive leader of the Soviet Empire, declared today that the meteor that burnt out over Siberia last week was the home of his ancient ancestors, the Lilliputins. With scientists gather...
Read full storyRussian Man Sues Outer Space Over Chelyabinsk Meteor
Grisha Manpursenikov has named Outer Space as the plaintiff in a lawsuit he has filed for damages he suffered in the recent meteor impact over Chelyabinsk, Siberia. Fragments of the meteor shattered his new 60 inch LCD television while he watched...
Read full storyChristian Dating Sites don't Offer One Night Stands
Christian dating sights are Internet dating systems which permit individuals to communicate with each other over the Internet with the intention of developing a personal relationship which eventually leads to marriage. Psychologist, Danny Hembree...
Read full storyArea Man a little concerned Nike only now withdrawing Pistorius endorsement
PHILADELPHIA, PA--Area man William Kevol expressed dismay today that Nike had only withdrawn its endorsement of Olympic gold medalist and accused murderer Oscar Pistorius Tuesday, noting than a murder charge should be "one of those things you get imm...
Read full storyPun Most Definitely Intended for Area Man
HUNTSVILLE, AL--Though initially unsure of the purpose of Brent Gilas' turn of phrase, area man Gabriel Sodhammer was helpfully informed by Gilas' immediate clarification that the play on words was in fact intentional, and not a sequence of words tha...
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