Frankie Howerd on Margaret Thatcher
Well. Here we are. Here we, ooh, no. Ooh. Ah. Ooh, I don't know where to put meself. Don't know which way to turn tonight. Yes, Missus, you've been there, haven't you? Hmm? You've felt my predicament. Look, now don't start. Shut your mouth. Oh, the riff raff we get in here. But ooh. Ah. No. Don't. Hasn't it been a hard winter? It's been a hard winter. And it's not over yet, I can tell you. Ooh,...
Read full storyThe Three Stooges Got Eye-poked By The Oscars
It was an incredibly audacious act of snobbery that the truly classic Three Stooges movie got totally panned for any Oscar whatsoever at the most recent Academy Awards Ceremony. To begin with, the Producer should have gotten an award for even thinking of the idea in the first place. True genius- remaking the Three Stooges, the cultural inspiration and societal high point of many male adolescen...
Read full storyTown's Entire Population Stricken With "Walk Like a Drum Major" Disease
Medical experts are baffled after an epidemic of the dreaded Walk Like a Drum Major disease spread throughout the entire population of 4,200 residents of Corksburg. "Everyone is slow marching and carrying batons. It's really strange," said long...
Read full storyRemains of Mr. Potatohead Discovered in Restaurant Customer's Hashbrowns
Millions of people were shocked and saddened today after the remains of Mr. Potatohead, who had been reported missing three weeks ago by his family, were found in a plate of hashbrown potatoes at an Iowa Denny's restaurant. "The customer noticed...
Read full storyNorth Korea's nuclear launch thwarted by a jackboot!
North Korean leader, Kim Jong Un, was in a state of shock as his prepared nuclear missile launching rather backfired. The missile launch was a propaganda show hoping to scare the pants off South Korea, the US, the rest of "normal humanity" and to sho...
Read full storyThatcher's £10 million funeral the Palace price for exorbitant William and Kate wedding
London - A classic 30-pieces-of-silver moment has seen Queen Elizabeth nod through tomorrow's lavish and unwarranted circus for a woman despised by millions of outraged UK voters. "That's the quid pro quo for gold-digger Kate Middleton's 2011 publ...
Read full storyLiterary World Stunned By Claims That Thousands Of English Words Have Gone Missing
The world of literature has been stunned by allegations that massive numbers of words have simply gone missing from the English language. 'In the 1960s we believe there to have been at least one million English words,' said a spokesman for the Queen's English Society. 'Dictionaries that are currently available, however, list just a few hundred. It would appear that words may have been systemati...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan Asks If She Can Do Some of Her Rehab At Coachella
INDIO, California - Rehab-bound Lindsay Lohan has shown that she is anything but shy as she has made an astounding request of the Los Angeles County Courthouse authorities. Lohan, who is due to begin her rehab process on May 2, at The Henry &...
Read full storyThe Women's Tennis Coalition of America Vows To Make The Sport Sexier!
NEW YORK CITY - The Women's Tennis Coalition of America has just voted on a directive that it hopes will help to increase the sagging viewership numbers. Odetta "Babe" Zigmeister, 38, who is the executive director of the WTC of A issued a statemen...
Read full storySharon and Ozzy Osbourne's Marriage Is Heading For The Rock & Roll Rocks
LOS ANGELES - It looks like the 31 year marriage between Sharon Osbourne and her Prince of Darkness rock music icon, Ozzy is shakier than John Goodman standing on a plywood platform. Reports coming out of the Left Coast are that the once-happy-as-...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Issues Some Apologies
SAN FRANCISCO - Miley traveled to San Francisco to visit a fan who was recovering from inverted ear lobe surgery. As she left the hospital she was met by Voodoo Dupree a reporter with Glamboyant Magazine. Miss Dupree asked Miley how things were...
Read full storyMichigan Bans The Green Bay Packer Cheesehead Hats
LANSING, Michigan - The Michigan state senate acting on the wishes of the citizens of Michigan has just voted 27-11 to ban the cheesehead hats worn by Green Bay Packer fans. State Senator Arthur H. Turntittle, 56, [R-Kalamazoo] told Sporting Chanc...
Read full storyRihanna In A Fit of Rage Destroys Her Chris Brown Bobblehead Doll
TUCSON - Rihanna was in town as the featured guest speaker at The Annual Battered Women Who Forgive Their Husbands and/or Boyfriends Convention. The Caribbean beauty told the group that she has caught a lot of flack from millions of American women...
Read full storySimon Cowell Wants Cheryl Cole To Return To X-Factor
LOS ANGELES - Simon Cowell AKA The Man With The Midas Touch has just informed the entertainment media that he would love to have the lusciously luscious Cheryl Cole return to X-Factor as a judge. The Girls Aloud singer was terminated from her judg...
Read full storyMeryl Streep to play Thatcher on Wednesday
The world of entertainment is a-fire tonight with the rumours that Meryl Streep is tipped to star in her most challenging role yet, in an epic £10M production with a cast of thousands. The audience is set to break box-office records for a premiere.
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