South African man smuggles diamonds in his belly and not on the "souls of his shoes!"
A South African man was caught smuggling diamonds in his belly instead of listening to Paul Simon's classic, "Diamonds on the soles of her shoes," before trying to trick bright, shiny customs officers! He was caught attempting to leave South Afric...
Read full story'Rogue planet' spotted transiting Obama's 'birther' chart
Washington DC - Capitol Hill stargazers are close to panic at evidence that a 'rogue planet' is transiting President Obama's birth chart. Spotted some 100 light years from Earth and provisionally dubbed CFBDSIR2149-0403 the 'homeless' celestial bo...
Read full storyA Brief History of Secession
Following President Obama's reelection, petitioners from 32 states have filed a lawsuit with the federal government to let their respective states secede from the Union. Let's take a look at the history of secession movements in the United States 1776: 13 Colonies of the British Empire unlawfully attempt to detach themselves from the crown and form a government under the preposterous idea of se...
Read full storyCockroach 'still traumatised' after appearing on 'I'm a Celebrity'
A cockroach is still undergoing trauma counselling days after an apalling experience that many are citing as 'a stunt too far'. Despite support from his extended family, many who found themselves in the same boat (or bucket, being tipped over Nadi...
Read full storyOne Journalist Descent into Atlantic City Hell Hole
ATLANTIC CITY NJ - Couldn't have been two hours into the trip and I had to puke. The smell on the bus was thick with diesel exhaust, medication, and a toilet in the back of the bus that was spewing forth its overflowing contents all over the rusted floor of the bus. The two bottles of Jack that I drank before getting on this chariot to hell was really starting to work on my gut and now I was looki...
Read full storyYou know what makes me Sick?
You know what makes me Sick? My 300 pound next door neighbor who sun bathes in the nude. Every morning I have to try to keep down my breakfast as she takes off her robe and lay's out in the sun with the sweat rolling off her body like the fat off of a pig on a spic. My cat who comes to the dinner table and throws up a half eaten chip monk as my date vomits the fettuccine dinner that took me...
Read full storySome Hard-Hitting Election Comments From Noted Politicians
Here are some statements, comments, quotes, observations, and remarks that some noted politicians and non-politicians have recently stated regarding the recent presidential election. • Mitt Romney - "Well it sure looks like I wasted millions and millions of my own damn money for nothing, absolutely nothing." • Newt Gingrich - "My goodness, the Democrats came out of the friggin woodwork and R...
Read full storyDancing With The Stars: Kirstie Alley and Gilles Marini Are Booted Off In A Double Elimination
HOLLYWOOD - Kirstie Alley did not spend as much time laughing and acting silly on the Dancing With The Stars 'results show' as she did on the 'elimination show.' Kirstie, known as "The California Quake" and her professional dance partner Maksim Ch...
Read full storyHaiti Is Changing Its Name
PORT-AU-PRINCE, Haiti - Word out of the tiny Caribbean country of Haiti is that the Haitian senate has just overwhelmingly voted to change the name of their country. Haitian senator Justin Chardonnay told the news media that the senate had been de...
Read full storyBad News For The Tea Bag Party
FLAGSTAFF, Arizona - A spokesperson for The Tea Bag Party who spoke on grounds of anonymity stated that their is some big time trouble brewing within the Tea Bag Party (no pun intended). The unnamed source informed GOPicky Magazine that since the...
Read full storyGolf tips you know are true that buck the "Pro"
You have taken golf lessons. For sure the teacher is appalled at your technique. Of course. Your methods are dangerously good. He fears for his superiority. Here are some common 'lessons' handed down just to make sure your game does not reach the level of your teacher. * Just swing your arms Yeah right. You have too much power. Your teacher fears you. He does not want you to hit it f...
Read full storyRepublicans Experience A Religious Epiphany After Obama Is Elected- "God Wants Us To Work With Brother Obama!"
Republicans have been almost unanimous in quoting that a Divine inspiration has descended upon them. Apparently this heavenly apparition was bestowed upon their golden leader, John Boehner. Mr. Boehner, his eyes glowing with enlightened envisionm...
Read full story