Golf tips you know are true that buck the "Pro"

Funny story written by Aspartame Boy

Wednesday, 14 November 2012

image for Golf tips you know are true that buck the "Pro"
Always tee your shot; in the rough as well

You have taken golf lessons. For sure the teacher is appalled at your technique. Of course. Your methods are dangerously good. He fears for his superiority. Here are some common 'lessons' handed down just to make sure your game does not reach the level of your teacher.

  1. Just swing your arms
  2. Yeah right. You have too much power. Your teacher fears you. He does not want you to hit it farther than he does. Thus his suggestion, just swing your arms. Sure, it makes it fly straight to the flag when you do this. But it makes you look like a wimp. Use your whole body. Make sure your belt buckle points 180 degrees away from the target, then to the target. Make sure you leave both feet; first the left on the back swing, then the right on the follow through. Left your legs high so your thighs are parallel to he ground. That is the Scottish way.

  3. keep your head down
  4. Balder dash. Start looking for the ball prior to contact. You only get five minutes to find it! Pro's make money from all those lost balls. They sell them to idiots like you.

  5. use a loose grip
  6. Sure. Throw the club. Get kicked off the course. Makes room for more players. More profit. You have to squeeze that shaft as hard as you possibly can. You may have to plow through a lot of Earth to reach the ball.

  7. don't try to hit the ball; just swing
  8. Yeah right. You miss the ball and it is a free swing, right? Yeah right.

  9. don't swing hard
  10. Yes, he is afraid you might swing it faster that he does. Then how could he justify his meager existence?

  11. don't use your hands
  12. Yeah right. You want a draw, you use your hands. Oh, and how else can you hold on to the club?? Throw that club in the water and the pro gets to sell it. How else do they stock the pro shop used club bins?

  13. practice half an hour per day with no ball
  14. This is an excellent way to develop bad habits; and you will never know because you can't see the ball! Better to practice with no club than no ball.

  15. slicing is bad
  16. Shaping shots is good. How else can you get around trees?! Slicing is fine. It is great for getting around really big dog legs. And you can always just stand sideways on straight holes.

  17. you must swing like I do
  18. Rubbish. Your teacher will never show you his true swing. He'd rather kill and eat you.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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