Bill Clinton Promotes Hitler-Style Vegetarianism at World Rodeo Convention
Many rodeo-goers expressed surprise, even shock, at the announcement that former United States president Bill Clinton would be the keynote speaker at the 2012 World Rodeo Convention in Houston, Texas. For one, media sources have in recent years repor...
Read full storyPeter Piper Picks a Peck of Purplish, Pink Pickled Paprika Peppers
Peter Piper, infamous in nursery rhymes for picking a peck of pickled peppers, tweeted today that he picked a peck of purplish, pink pickled paprika peppers. Tongue twister and pepper picking market analysts peppered the tweet as a pure pile of p...
Read full storyStarring Bobby Valentine in Death of a Salesman
Playwright Arthur Miller probably never envisioned a sports version of his great play Death of a Salesman, but the Boston Red Sox are putting it on for limited performances in 2012 at Broadway on Fenway. The road show is even more tragic than the...
Read full storyThe 2012 Summer Olympics: The Reason Why Costa Rica Is Extremely Upset
SAN JOSE, Costa Rica - A spokesperson for the Costa Rican Olympic team, Francisco San Platanos, has expressed the fact that Team Costa Rica has just received a certified letter from The International Olympic Committee. The letter stipulates that t...
Read full storySnakes in the grass, not seaweed!
Evolution geeks are today enraptured by the latest plot twist in their mythology. For years, fibbing 'professors' such as atheist fundamentalist and evolution crackpot Richard Dawkins have been spreading the tale that snakes originated from the se...
Read full storyDonald Trump Agrees To Replace The Olympic Team's "Made In China" Uniforms
MANHATTAN - Donald Trump has never been one to just sit idly by and keep quite about anything or anyone. And he has let it be known that he is not a happy camper at the fact that the U.S. Olympic team will be shown at the Summer Olympics opening...
Read full storyTwitter down for cleaning of Aspartame Boy's Tweets
The Cloud - Twitter insiders confided today that Twitter had to be taken down to remove all Tweets Tweeted by Aspartame Boy. In a confidential exchange of information, or so they thought, it was confided that Aspartame Boy's Tweets were deemed too...
Read full storyLatest from the political scene
David Cameron is the leading contender for this years Robert Muggabe Mud Hut award. The prestigious award has previously been given to Butcher Blair, George W Bush, Gordon (one eye) Brown to name but a few. Each winner is given his own personal hu...
Read full storyQuentin Kelp MP - Greek Philosophy, Tax and Haemorrhoids
Dear Constituents I have had such a hectic week and am now well behind with my newsletters. You might have thought I had already forgotten about you what with the summer recess and the sun shining but this is far from the truth. The sun will continue to shine ever brightly through my regular Newsletter. I'm off to Greece in a week or so, on a fact-finding visit. It's also so that I can...
Read full storyChick-fil-A to Drop Waffle Fries from Menu: Too Gay
ATLANTA GA (AP) The Chick-fil-A fast food chain announced yesterday that it would be dropping its popular "Waffle Fries" from its menu and replacing them with a new fried potato product. At a press conference, Chick-fil-A spokesman Ted Haggard ex...
Read full storyTop-heavy Kate dizzy under weight of £10,000 hair extensions
London - "Underneath that Barnet she's practically bald," Kensington heirdresser Jonty Poppycock tweeted this morning. "Probably got the same amount of active follicles as that daft husband Wills." The celeb salon owner reckons regular top-ups...
Read full storyNew athlete called Philip Sidowu to compete at London 2012
Plans for GB's athletics team have been thrown into confusion on the eve of the games with the appearance at the team's luke warm weather training camp in a field outside Keele Services off the M6 by the arrival of a new athlete. Looking remarkabl...
Read full storyOxymorons and the Boston Red Sox
The Red Sox have the greatest irony in sports: a paucity of riches. With their mega-budget and endless fount of moneymaking schemes, they bathe in a tub of greenbacks, able to shower off the muck of unpleasant players and lack of gratitude of egom...
Read full storyTeam GB storms off over soccer flag mix-up
Britain's football team stormed off the pitch before their opening Olympics clash against Senegal on Thursday after the players' pictures were displayed on a video screen alongside the flag of Scotland. The contest at Old Trafford in Manchest...
Read full storyTintwistle brass band get to perform the national anthems at the Olympics
Tintwistle Brass Band, from East Manchester, have been selected to play the national anthems for winning athletes during the Olympics. The band are the winners of the Brassed Off, the contest for Brass Bands held in the North West of England every Ju...
Read full storyDark matter is out, sticky matter is in
In theoretical physics and cosmological circles there has been a good mannered debate raging for several decades over what is holding all the matter in galaxies together. "It's quite simple," said Brian Cox, presenter of The Sky At Night. "When we...
Read full storyOlympic Flag Man Doses't Know His Arse from His Elbow Says Wife
The wife of the man responsible for broadcasting the North Korean women's football team beside a South Korean flag says he is always making mistakes and doesn't know his arse from his elbow sometimes. Tommy McVeigh, 34, caused a major internationa...
Read full storyHouston Astros - The Worst Team In Baseball Is Moving?
HOUSTON - Reports are still sketchy but according to a reliable, inside, unnamed source Major League Baseball's worst team is probably going to be leaving The Bayou City. Sports Balls Illustrated Daily's Rufus Reno said that his source has told hi...
Read full storyShe's out of my life, says Jackson family about missing Katherine Jackson; Paris says rest of family don't wanna be starting something
CALABASAS, Az. - Katherine Jackson, mother to the deceased King of Pop, Michael Jackson, is back home after having gone missing. Police were working day and night to find the 82-year-old. "Is it scary?" asked Paris Jackson, daughter to Michael. "S...
Read full storyFootball Gossip & comments 26th July 2012
Gareth Bale, 23, played for Tottenham against LA Galaxy in LA before Team GB kick off their Olympic campaign, despite being unavailable for Stuart Pearce's squad because of injury. It's a miracle I tell thee. Smelling salts and a sniff of sheep... Jermaine Pennant has been forced to miss Stoke's pre-season tour of the United States after being refused a working visa. His tag wasn't allowed ou...
Read full storyTibetan Wild Yak an Endangered Species
Washington DC: PETA representatives met with Obama administration officials on behalf of Tibetan animal rights activists who feel the Tibetan wild yak is an endangered species. There are only 1,000 Tibetan wild yaks remaining in the high altitude...
Read full storyMitt Romney Denies He Said That President Obama Is Not An Anglo-Saxon
OSKALOOSA, Iowa - GOP front runner Mitt Romney pulled into Oskaloosa on his Mormon Merriment Presidential Campaign Bus Tour. The former governor of Massachusetts said that he can identify with the people of Oskaloosa who work hard planting, wateri...
Read full storyThe Reason Kristen Stewart Cheated on Rob Pattinson
BEVERLY HILLS - Kristen Stewart, the star of the Twilight movie series was sitting in the Haven of Hair Salon getting her split ends trimmed by her hair stylist FuFi Fondue. Fondue has a reputation for knowing lots of intimacies about starlets tha...
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