Millions of football fans wondering if gun control is something to do with shotgun formations
KANSAS CITY, MO--Following Bob Costas' plea for gun control in the United States during the halftime segment of Sunday Night Football, sports fans around the country have been wondering if Costas remarks concerned shotgun formations in some way. "...
Read full storyDavid Petraeus Speaks Out on Affair
In another Spoof exclusive, General David Petraeus has given a statement on the sex scandal that cost him his job as head of the CIA. Petraeus was forced to step down after the exposure of an extramarital affair with Paula Broadwell, his biographer a...
Read full storyNation Celebrates Kate Being "Up the Duff" While Mystery "Facilitator" Lies Low
The nation was gripped by baby fever today as news was announced from Buckingham Palace that "Princess" Kate is suffering from extreme nausea and sickness. Media sycophants and lickspittles flooded the airwaves with the "glad tidings" causing Guardi...
Read full storyGay rights activists demand gay boycott of Christmas until a gay Father Christmas is accepted!
Just before the festive period begins gay activists are calling for a Christmas boycott because they feel as though the world is discrminating against them by not allowing a gay Father Christmas to deliver the presents. US Gay activist, Scarlet Pi...
Read full storyWBC fight card 'Twin Bill' features Twins' womb fight
LAS VEGAS, Nevada (ABSNN Sports) - The World Boxing Council has the entire sporting world agog at the news that Caesar's Palace will host the very first WBC Championship fight between two unknown, and as yet, unnamed twins in their mother's womb! Th...
Read full storyPapers vie for first photo of Royal Baby
St James Palace announced today that Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge is expecting her first child. Although at the moment she is in the King Edward hospital suffering from acute morning sickness. David Cameron welcomed the news saying "It will be...
Read full storyChelsea Deny bringing in Second Hopeless Manager to assist First one
Chelsea have moved quickly to deny rumours they are looking to bring Avram Grant back to the club to assist permanently interim boss Rafael Benitez. Reports suggest Roman Abramovich is keen on bringing the Israeli back to Stamford Bridge to bright...
Read full storyJustin Bieber's joy as birth mum Kate Middleton 'gestating again'
Canada - "Wow, what a fantastic early Christmas present!" pals of the Canadian entertainer said today amid news that his real birth mother the Douchesse of Cambridge is expecting again. Millions of dollars have been spent by British and Canadians...
Read full storyKate Middleton Up The Duff With Prince William's Child
The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are expecting their first child after Prince William finally managed to impregnate his wife. Palace insiders recently told the media the Duke and Duchess had been hard at it since their wedding last year with litt...
Read full storyJanine Off 'Eastenders' Wins 'I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here'
Of course it wasn't the character of Janine Butcher who won the show, it was the actress who portrays her, Charlie Brooks. Brooks beat off the competiton to become the twelfth winner of the show, and only the fourth 'Queen Of The Jungle', followin...
Read full storyChristmas Gifts 1952 from Lemco
With the holiday season soon to be on us its time to look at Christmas gifts for all the family. Mom: Moms live to iron so what better gift to give than a brand new Lemco ironing board. If that was what you got for Mom last year then this year you should top it off with a nice floral print Lemco asbestos ironing board cover. Moms everywhere will be looking forward to a New Year full of ironing...
Read full storyUneaten Yogurt Mourned
An unopened yogurt quietly expired last night after spending several days lodged between a shriveled tomato and a jar of mayonnaise in a Florida mans refrigerator. The yogurt, purchased in mid November, was survived by a can of diet coke and a blo...
Read full storyExciting new Graphene Art developed
For the last few years, scientists have been exploring the properties and possible uses of graphene, the new wonder material made of an atom-thick layer of carbon. It promises to herald a revolution in materials and electronics development. Howev...
Read full storyNear-sighted dolphin mistakes child for Honey Boo Boo and bites her!
ORLANDO, Florida (ABSNN) - A dolphin named Sally bit a child who was feeding her in a tank at Orlando's Sea World Sunday. Police immediately arrested the dolphin who told them, "I'm so sorry! I'm so near-sighted, I thought the little girl was Honey...
Read full storyTaylor Swift Rebounds With One Direction's Harry Styles
NEW YORK CITY - Taylor Swift seems to be able to get more boyfriends than Cameron Diaz, Lady Gaga, and Kat Von D all put together. Taylor's latest boyfriend is Harry Styles of the band One Direction. The two reportedly met at a Shanghai Sue's Sush...
Read full storyDemi Lovato Says X-Factor Judges Are Jealous of Cece Frey
HOLLYWOOD - With the elimination of Paige Thomas and Vino Alan, X-Factor is now down to six contestants frantically vying for the $5 million first place prize. Demi Lovato's team is down to one contestant; the very attractive Cece Frey. Lovato spo...
Read full storyUN bans internet news
New York, NY - The UN's Ban Ki-internet has announced a ban on certain internet stories to a small cadre of reporters. All stories that are true but say the are false are banned. Also, all stories that are true and claim to be true are banned.
Read full storySanta Is No Longer Making a List and Checking It Twice
But don't take that to mean you should be naughty instead of nice. Spoof reporter Gail Farrelly did an email interview with Santa Claus and found out that there IS still a Naughty-or-Nice List (NNList) at the North Pole, but Santa no longer prep...
Read full story"Life Is Good" Clothing Starts New Line, "Life Sucks"
Cocoa Beach, FL - a spokesperson for the very successful "Life Is Good" clothing company which was started in a garage by two brothers, has announced that they are diversifying to keep pace with current economic trends. Citing downward spiraling p...
Read full storyLittle Divot Couple Have Row, Husband Delighted With Outcome
A married couple from Little Divot are the talk of the village after a dispute left neighbours reaching for their earplugs. Clive and Barbara Peddle, both 45, are well known in the village for their domestic disputes, but locals reckon this is the...
Read full storyThe ban - Belly putter injuries true cause
Stoffy Scotland - Investigative reporters have uncovered the truth behind the proposed belly putter ban. It turns out the vibration from the ball impacting the putter can travel into the gut and rupture the interstitial tissues, causing internal ble...
Read full storyBigfoot captured at last
Hollywood, CA - Scientists on Sunset Strip who received the cadaver that was Bigfoot, have completed their DNA analysis. Photographs reveal a human appearance with the exception of the overall size. At 10 feet high and 900 pounds, Bigfoot is larger...
Read full storyTom Brady Insists He Does Not Win Ugly Games
When the ugly ducklings of the media pressed Tom Brady on his "ugly" win over the Miami Dolphins to clinch the AFC East first place again this year, Mr. Brady took umbrage. Brady, as fans will recall, was the sixth round draft choice that turned...
Read full storyJames Bond's Skyfall Has More Holes In It Than Oddjob After Bond Shot Him.
WARNING! THIS ARTICLE CONTAINS SPOILERS! YES, ENOUGH TO RUIN THE MOVIE FOR YOU IF YOU READ THEM. AND YES, I AM A BASTARD FOR WRITING THEM. Skyfall, the newest of the James Bond series that is now in its fiftieth year of creation, is an expensively made, well wrought thriller with gorgeous scenery, gorgeous music (by Adele) gorgeous women, gorgeous violence and, unfortunately a story line with s...
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