Janine Off 'Eastenders' Wins 'I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here'

Funny story written by Simon Saunders

Monday, 3 December 2012

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Brooks' future is a bright one after her win

Of course it wasn't the character of Janine Butcher who won the show, it was the actress who portrays her, Charlie Brooks.

Brooks beat off the competiton to become the twelfth winner of the show, and only the fourth 'Queen Of The Jungle', following in the footsteps of such luminarys as Carol Thatcher, Kerry Katona and Stacey Soloman. It will without doubt be a tremendous boost to Brooks' career just like it was for those three previous winners who've gone from strength to strength since winning the coverted title.

After triumphing in the final over some woman called Ashley, who claims to have been in the 'Pussycay Dolls', Brooks was overcome with emotion. Speaking in a croaky voice, as usual, she told Ant and Dec. "I can't believe it. There were so many forgotten faces in there, so many celebrities who no-one remembers. I don't know how I won."

The final day saw the two remaining contestants tackle their last bushtucker trial. The prize for completing the trial was a delicious three course meal with booze. Unfortunately for them, but hilariously for viewers, they had to consume a not so appetising four course meal to get their prize. It turned out to be harder to swallow than the contents of an Eastenders script.

Taking on their courses alternately Ashley kicked things off by gobbling down a camels penis. Charlie followed up with a wonton witchetty grub. The rest of their revolting meal consisted of a raw fish eye, brain quiche, a couple of cockroaches and a pair of turkey testicles. The wretching duo then ended the meal with a dessert each. Ashley downed a glass of blended and fermented duck eggs while Charlie gulped down her blended cockroaches and other assorted bugs with gusto.

After the unpleasant lunch time feast a number of BBC employees took to Twitter to claim Charlie should be used to eating horrible meals having experienced the Beebs canteen facilities for many years.

Perhaps the key to winning the show was that during her time in the jungle she did virtually nothing.

Barbara Windsor, a former colleague of Brooks' on the soap opera Eastenders, is delighted she won. "Strike a light guv'. I've not been this proud since I married cockney villain Ronnie Knight in the 60's. She's a diamond an' no mistake."

Along with the pointless title 'Queen Of The Jungle', Brooks also gets the life affirming opportunity to star in an Iceland commercial.

Great days.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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