Court demands retrieval of Bush bullet implant
Wacko, Texarse - (Ass Mess): Texan prosecutors are lobbying the US Justice Department to force a local resident, Mr Bush, to have a bullet retrieved from his brain in a forensic evidence warrant execution that is vital for successful prosecution of a...
Read full storyPresident Bush Discovers, Santa Claus is not Real
Former president George Herbert Walker Bush today informed his son via phone that .. all those toys that wound up under the tree every Christmas didn't come from Santa but from Sears instead. Aides say that the president, a bit taken back by the...
Read full storySatirist Bitten By Rabid Fan; In Trouble For Pissing On Sacred Cows
Satirist, King David was attacked yesterday by a rabid Appalachian State University fan who felt like one of his sacred cows had been pissed on. As King was just about to close the gate (where the cow was after it was pissed on), the dog jumped out o...
Read full storyOR proves key to better sex
Scientists working at Cardiff University today announced an unusual way to improve your sex life. They managed to prove that taking an interest in a little-known mathematical subject called Operational Research (OR) will improve your confidence and a...
Read full storySatirist Catches On Fire; Spears Burned At The Steak
Satirist, King David caught fire today in his Durham home when the terry cloth robe that he was wearing got too close to the space heater next to him on the floor. "I was just sitting there when I noticed a peculiar smell," the writer said.
Read full story"The Donald" to Direct "A League of Their Own 2"
In a stunning revelation today, Donald Trump, the billionaire real-estate mogul and sometimes reality show star told reporters today that he will be producing and directing a sequel to the popular movie A League of Their Own. The original fi...
Read full storyUNC Student's Descend From Blue Heaven Into Blue Hell; "Cameron Crazies" Versed In Psychological Warfare
Officials at the University of North Carolina realized that they did the wrong thing after their men's basketball team began the season 0-7 earlier this year. The problem, officials said, was not in hiring the wrong coach, but that tickets for lo...
Read full storyBlue Peter To Get A Makeover - Sign O' The Times BBC Says Spokesman
Top Children's TV show, Blue Peter, is trying to lose its middle class image and wants to add scumbags and chavs to the fan-base in an attempt to boost viewing figures.
Read full storyHarry Potter Sales Exceed Gross National Product
Economists are scratching their heads after their Blackberries told them that total revenue generated from "Harry Potter" sales exceeds ALL available money in the country including the 1.7 trillion, tick, 1.70025 already sp...
Read full storyOAP Bob Gives Up On Being Santa Blames Italians
Old Bob Cobblers, who for years has been playing Santa to the kids of Evil Ridge, the notorious inner London housing estate, has decided to call it a day and hang up his Santa's beard and robes.
Read full storyUK's hottest gossip columnist spontaneously combusts
THE entertainment world was celebrating yesterday after the News Of The World's showbiz correspondent Rav Singh spontaneously combusted.
Read full storyMichael Richards Enters the Rosie VS Donald Wars
As if things couldn't get much worse, things GOT much worse when Michael Richards, offended by both Rosie O'Donald AND Donald Trump involuntarily called them both N-words during an interview on KVUE radio this morning.
Read full storyTop journalist harrassed by deranged vagrant
Top journalist, Breeze, last night rejected stories that he had experienced a breakdown and instead insisted that he was the victim of a vicious smear campaign.
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