Old Bob Cobblers, who for years has been playing Santa to the kids of Evil Ridge, the notorious inner London housing estate, has decided to call it a day and hang up his Santa's beard and robes.
He told us:
"There ain't nothing in it any more boy. Not since organised crime's took over round here. There was a time I could do this job for a few tabs of 'E's' or a wrap of coke but now there's not a hope.
"Them fackin' Italian's has moved in and all they are offering me is fackin' panatone cake for Gawd's sake. Panatone fackin' cake! They're havin' a laugh!"
Local residents are saddened by the news. Bernie Debolt, a community worker on the estate, commented:
"To tell the troof like, it was one of the highlights of Christmas for the residents, seeing old Bob bombed out of his head on E or off his face on smack was a right old laugh I can tell you. Christmas has been killed this year"
A tearful Bob said:
"Well that's me done here son and now if you don't mind, I'm shooting off down Kings Cross to score a bit of whizz and pick up a bird. Cheerio ta-ta!"
And with that he was gone. We will never see his like again.