Top journalist harrassed by deranged vagrant

Funny story written by Breeze

Friday, 22 December 2006


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Breeze - Harrassed

Top journalist, Breeze, last night rejected stories that he had experienced a breakdown and instead insisted that he was the victim of a vicious smear campaign.

"I have already instructed my lawyers to start proceedings," he told us from his palatial country home, "This guy Hanson has been harassing my wife and I for quite some time now. I've tried my best to ignore it as the poor man is quite obviously deranged but, after this slur and the recent bullet in the post, I am forced to react."

Breeze, who has just returned from Botswana, where he was building an orphanage for crippled children, told us, "The harassment began about a month ago. I noticed this derelict hanging round the house. I thought nothing of it at the time but after about a week I started to notice my underpants going missing and my bins looking 'ruffled'."

Police investigating say the Mr Hanson is well known to them as a vagrant and serial fantasist.
"Oh Aye, I know 'im well," said Chief inspector Knockers, "Grubby little fucker 'e is 'an all. It's sickening to think that a wee gobshite like that could be harassing a fine man like Breeze."

Breeze's supermodel wife told the Spoof last night, "This has been a very upsetting time for us. My husband is a wonderful, kind man who only ever thinks of other people. For him to be targeted in this way is a disgrace. Oh.......and just for the record, I've never had better sex." she added.

Police sources indicated that the celebrity couple have faced a steady barrage of abuse from Hanson. "Much of it was in the form of notes or letters," said the Chief Constable, "But because they were so badly written and peppered with so many basic spelling and grammatical errors, it's only now that we know they were threatening."

It emerged last night that Mr Hanson has a history of pestering celebrities. In 1992 he was discovered rummaging through Sir Bob Geldof's discarded underwear and he was sentenced to 6 months imprisonment in June 1997 for punching veteran God botherer Dame Thora Hird.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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