With two days to go Britain is waking up to the news that Christmas 2006 is cancelled! That's the unbelievable state of affairs greeting us all as the Government has declared a state of emergency.
Prime Minister Tony Blair addressed the nation at 3.30am in an emergency broadcast that hardly anybody saw; he said:
"Look yeah, we don't want to have to do this you know? But intelligence has reached us that the fog will continue until at least Boxing Day. It's this new bloody terror group, the Misty Action Warriors so don't blame me...yeah?
On top of that there is a half millimetre of snow forecast and the railways tell us that the wrong type of leaves have been falling so that's the trains fecked too!
We are sorry have to take such drastic action but are left with no choice because, as a nation, we have no ability whatsoever to cope with anything that is outside the norm.
We are suggesting that everybody goes to bed until the 30th of December and we may hopefully allow limited New Year celebrations if the weather picks up a bit but at present we cannot promise anything. We will assess the situation then and decide accordingly"
David Cameron is said to be livid and has pressed for a recall of parliament. However a Government spokesman has said:
"Due to the pathetic state of affairs because of the fog, vis a vis transport, MP's cannot get to London so that's that. Tough Cammo!"
Mother of 7, Tracey Drudge, told us:
"It's awful 'cos my kiddies was looking forward to Christmas and now it's been cancelled. I've got myself into debt that I can't afford and now I don't know what to do. My kiddies is distraught and we're thinking of disobeying the ban and having Christmas anyway!"
The Spoof says: Times is tough Britain! But during this crisis we must support our government. We gave Gerry a bloody nose and we can do the same to these Misty Action Warriors pillocks too!
