UK's hottest gossip columnist spontaneously combusts

Funny story written by Andy Woolfoot

Friday, 22 December 2006

image for UK's hottest gossip columnist spontaneously combusts
He was just so hot though

THE entertainment world was celebrating yesterday after the News Of The World's showbiz correspondent Rav Singh spontaneously combusted.

Mr Singh, Britain's hottest showbiz reporter, was hiding in a bush outside a London restaurant where Noel Gallagher was eating in order to find a story to go with the headline 'Salad Shaker-maker' which he had thought of earlier when he burst into flames.

Onlookers watched in horror as he tried to extinguish himself by pouring nearby drinks over his head and appeared to be battling the fire successfully until he grabbed KT Tunstall's mineral water, at which point the fire became a raging inferno.

Celebrities across the UK have been quick to pay tribute to Mr Singh who is so so hot it's unbelievable. Honestly he is so hot.

Matt from Busted said: "I owe my whole career to Mr Singh. Without his constant coverage of me going clubbing and getting pissed and his catchy headlines I would never have stayed in the limelight long enough to earn a f***ing fortune from this jungle bollocks. He was so hot!"
Sarah Harding from Girls Aloud also spoke of her affection for the hottest journo to have ever graced the land.

"What that little c***. Really? Superb! Only got Victoria Newton to kick the bucket now and I can go out for a quiet meal with my mum without ending up on the front page of The Sun under the headline 'Disgrace Harding pisses knickers on bender'. He was so hot though."

A spokesman for the News of the World said: "Our entire team is devastated. The rest of our showbiz reporters don't know what to do with themselves.

"It won't affect their workload because the smarmy grinning twat never did any of the writing anyway but our subs don't know any other name to give a byline to. They are inconsolable at the moment. But my God he was hot."

A get well soon party for Mr Singh will take place next week in a posh Soho crematory and will be hosted by Dick and Dom.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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